Judge — December 13, 1913 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Moving-picture actor—Hurry up with that drink! Little Harry and the Dog L'"TLE Harry wanted adog. He had many arguments with his mother on the subject. He was sent toanear-by grocery. He was gone so long that his mother became anxious. Stepping to a window, she saw Harry down the street manfully pulling on a rope, the other end of which was tied around the neck of a small dog. The pup was resisting every step. Braced on all fours, it was pulling back with every ounce of its small might and barking as loudly as possible. Presently Harry triumphantly entered the room. ‘‘Mother,”’ he called, ‘‘won’t you let me keep this little dog? It fol- lowed me home.’” If you make money in a hurry, don’t be surprised at leaks, THE STRENUOUS LIFE balloon, and burned at the stake, and I''m thirsty! The Hypercritical Sailor A finicky tar in the navy, With hair very blond and quite wavy, Would no pium duff eat Unless it was sweet And walloped all over with gravy. —Tom P. Moroan. The Secret “Did you notice the great quantity of diamonds Anna is wearing?’’ “Yes, She said her father blew him- self for them.’” “He probably did. Her father is a glassblower, I understand.’’ Divorce Mathematics “How much alimony did she demand?”’ “Twenty dollars a week more than his salary.”’ “How foolish!"’ “Well, she said she guessed he could afford it, since he always had spent twice what he earned.’’ I've just been thrown over a precipice, packed in a trunk, shipwrecked, dropped out of a Lines to a Lady on the Fifth Floor (Prom the gentleman on tbe foorth) LaAby on the floor above, Charming, chic, entrancing, You're the type that I could love; But I hate your dancing! Pleasant, your infectious laugh, Musical and rippling; But your dreadful phonograph Soon will have me tippling. Tango, trot and bunny hug All your heart desires; Only, lady, use a rug— Till my lease expires, Maurice Switzer. Various Returns “‘What did he get for confessing?”’ “Immunity from the district attorney, two cents a word from the magazines and fits from his former friends.” ‘The glad hand and the winning smile are a good holiday combination. comicbooks.com