Judge — December 13, 1913 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

7 KI | | ut! TOO POLITE CSTR GOA 0. “Take my seat, madam.” “Yes,’’ said Mike O'Shaughnessy. ‘‘It was one of/the grandest plays in which I have been featured. It was called ‘The Turn of Fortune,’ and represented an aged miner, the same bein’ me, lost in the hills wid his daughter. He digs fer wather and strikes a spring and a gold mine at the same time. The operator said my manner of discoverin’ the gold was very realistic. The boys here was the crowd that come and rescued us from Injuns a little later. But that’s immaterial. Go on wid your story.’’ “Yes, your actin’ when you made that discovery was realis- tic, all right,’’ said Pete. ‘‘I had just come down over the trail from the hilltop when I seen all of your foolishness. I and my burro was some tired, anyway, and we sat down to see your play. I seen the hull thing acted out, and it was all my burro could do to keep from hee-hawin’ when Mike clasped his faintin’ daughter with one arm and dug up the gold with the other.’” “Leave out the dramatic criticism,’’ said Mike stiffly, ‘‘and go on with your story.’’ “Well, the criticism’s part of it all,’’ said Pete. ‘‘If your actin’ hadn’t been so different from what a man really does when he strikes gold, I’d have gone on without payin’ any atten- tion. But I thought I’d go down and see what you had been actin’ so plum loony about. It’s jest force of habit, you know. I can’t go past any rock without seein’ what's in it.’” “‘Proceed,’’ said Mike, beginning to whiten about the mouth. “Well, I saw that you really had uncovered somethin’ that looked like a vein. I scraped it off some more, and then pounded up some of the rock and panned it. Here's the gold I got out of a shovelful.’” ‘‘What!"’ yelled Mike. ‘‘You don’t mean to say that I was diggin’ on a real gold vein when I was actin’ out all that fool- ishness in front of the camery!"’ “You uncovered a vein ten feet wide and a million feet deep and loaded with gold at the grass roots,’’ said Pete. ‘That there side hill we've looked on as barren is the richest mountain in this hull range.’” There was a sound like thunder as the population of Foothill broke for the door and struggled to get out. Had the camera man been on hand, he could have secured a picture of a real gold stampede. But Mike the actor was too far overcome to join the rush. His head sagged until it rested on the bar. “Brace up, Mike,'’ said Pete, shaking him. ‘‘I’ve a great consolation for you.’’ ‘What is it?’’ asked Mike hopefully. “I’ve named the mine for you,”’ said Packsaddle Pete. goin’ to be called the ‘Movin’ Picture Mike’ !"’ “It's Resisting Temptation Sunday-school teacher—William, did you ever resist tempta- tion? William—Yes'm, once, Sunday-school teacher—And what noble sentiment prompted you to do it? William—The jam was on the top shelf and I couldn’t reach it. Perfectly Safe “You say you got away with that risque joke at the box party last night?’’ “Yes”? “But I thought they were such con- ventional people.’’ “That was easy. I ventriloquized a bit, and they thought it came from’ the stage.’ Equally Hard In many cases it is as difficult to stay at the top of the ladder as it is to get there. Opportunity will knock but once at your door; knockers knock forever. ONE SIGN Hiram—tt looks as if it might be a cold winter. Cyrus—It sure does from the way the price of coal is going up. comicbooks.com