ComicBooks.com Register / Loginit's free!

Judge, 1913-12-06 · page 33 of 40

Judge — December 6, 1913 — page 33: what you’re looking at

📖 Open the full issue in the page-flip reader →
Judge — December 6, 1913 — page 33: Judge, 1913-12-06

What you’re looking at

This page contains two humorous stories satirizing Christmas gift-giving, plus period advertisements. **"Helping Him Out"** mocks the futility of spousal gift selection. A husband asks his wife for Christmas suggestions; she responds with an exhausting list of luxuries (fur wraps, jewelry, emerald, lace, muff, beads, dress patterns), then offers to simply choose and buy her own gift herself—which defeats the purpose entirely. The satire targets both wives' materialism and husbands' capitulation: the husband happily accepts this arrangement, joining "a great army of husbands" who've outsourced gift-giving. **"Helping Him Out" (first story)** satirizes thoughtless generosity. A man whose house burned down receives well-intentioned but useless Christmas gifts—a player-piano (too large for his flat), expensive fishing gear (he's indoors), a shaving stand (he doesn't shave), Verne novels (he prefers history), and a violin (no musician in his family). The joke: generous friends give what *they* think appropriate rather than what he needs, leaving him paying storage fees for junk. The advertisements promote Florida Water toiletries and whiskey as holiday gifts.

📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

id burn up, he did desire to rebuild, ee have a number of well-to-do friends; but what those friends did at Christmastime is an entirely different story. Not that they weren't generous. They were. Nearly every one is generous at Christmastime. One of Breen’s friends sent him a player-piano, which was too large to find place in his rented flat, and the poor man is now paying storage on it. ‘Another friend gave him an expensive shotgun and fishing outfit, though Breen js not at all an outdoor man and has very little time for recreation. Another gave him a most convenient and elegant shav- ing stand, when he knew very well that space was limited in the flat and that Breen never was known to shave himself. Another sent him a costly set of Jules Verne’s works, whereas what Breen likes in the way of reading is Rollin’s Ancient History or something of that kind. An- other presented him with a violin, and no one in Breen’s family has ever played a musical instrument since his grandfather used to fiddle for the country dances. Breen is still living in his flat and has almost given up hope of ever rebuilding his house, and as each Christmas comes along, bringing with it a great mass of useless things to clutter up his tiny rooms, be often wonders what good friends are to any one, anyway. —Walter G. Doty Helping Him Out ae] DON’T know what in time to get you for Christmas,’’ said Higgleson to his wife, across the breakfast table. “Can't you help me out a little by hint- ing at what you like or making a sugges- tion of some sort? Wish you would.’” “Why, yes, dear, I can if you want me , to, I-—let me see. I tell you, Harry, I'd really like to have one of those fetch- ing little short fur wraps, or a handsome pendant of some kind, or one of those thin gold chains, or a real silver mesh bag, or 8 something in real lace, for lace never was worn so much as it is now. Or you might get me a sealskin muff, or a hand- some bracelet, or a string of those hand- some carved gold beads, or one of those Paris dress patterns would be nice. Or if you would like to get me something in the way of an emerald. You know that I am so fond of the emerald, and you might get me—I tell you, dear. I know just how awfully busy you are at this time of the year and how hard it is for a man to go wandering around the shops selecting apresent for his wife, and so, dear, if you would really like to have me help you out by me just selecting something my- self and having you give it to me Christ- mas morning, I won’t mind having you give me my present in that way. How would that do, dear?” Higgleson thought it would ‘‘do,’’ and in this way he joined a great army of isbands who are “‘helped out’ in the same way when it comes to Christmas -gifts for the wives of their bosoms. —Maz Merryman. Ask Your Druggist for MURRAY & LANMAN’S Florida Water if you would send your friend a delightful CHRISTMAS GIFT Ladies consider it quite indispensable for the Handkerchief or Bath @ Invigorating and bracing as a rub-down after exer- cise. Gentlemen declare it the best thing to use after shaving, REFUSE SUBSTITUTES ! Sample size mailed for six cents in stamps, Ask for our booklet, “Health and Beauty.” LANMAN @ KEMP 135 Water Street, New York In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com