Judge, 1913-12-06 · page 11 of 40
Judge — December 6, 1913 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a humorous essay-article by Douglas Malloch titled "Progressive Gift-Giving," accompanied by two domestic scenes showing Christmas gift exchanges. **The satire's point:** The author mocks the absurdity of obligatory Christmas gift-giving among extended family. The "system" he reveals is deliberately circular and wasteful—people give unwanted items to relatives who also can't use them (smoking jackets to non-smokers, coffee percolators to people who don't drink coffee, antiques when coal is needed). Yet everyone feels compelled to reciprocate with equally useless gifts. **The social commentary:** This critiques early 20th-century middle-class consumer culture and social obligation. Christmas shopping becomes frantic and exhausting; gift-giving creates financial pressure ("empty purses," "bankruptcy") rather than genuine joy. The "wonderful system" is actually economically irrational—imports never match exports. **The illustrations** show domestic scenes of gift-giving moments, depicting the social awkwardness the text describes. The piece's humor lies in the author positioning himself as having "escaped" this madness through superior shopping strategy, offering satirical "wisdom" to readers—a common Judge magazine format.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
IT IS NOT ALWAYS THE GIFT THAT COUNTS (CHRISTMAS approaches amain, The season of mistletoe and holly, of crowded cars and empty purses is upon us. The Christmas shopper goeth % about like a raging lion, baying smoking jackets that are marked down and furni- ture that is marked up, elbowing strangers, bumping innocent bystanders and growling at clerks and floorwalkers. Yes, in- deed, the air is filled with the Christmas spirit. You stand ‘on other people’s toes, and other people stand on yours, and persons unknown poke you in the ribs with the corners of things or leave squashy fruit around for you to sit on. Yes, forsooth, the gladsome Christmas season is here. You do these things, unfortunate readers. Ido not. I have risen above such things. I have escaped. I am a super- shopper instead of a supper shopper. For me Christmas has no terrors. So it may be with you. So may Christ- mas be for you a time of jollity instead of bank- ruptcy. I am about to communicate to you words of wisdom that will fill your bosoms with peace and joy. Ido this out of the gratitude that is in me for my deliverance. I shall reveal the system and not charge you a cent. There is no come-back. You need not write me for particulars. You need only to read on. But without skipping. # PROGRESSIVE GIFT.GIVING & By DOUGLAS MALLOCH -the premiums, We-also have cousins and uncles and aunts. We also have distant relatives and near relatives; and some- times the ‘‘nearer’’ they are ® the more ‘‘distant’’ they are. They also give us things— my wife and me—and we also are expected to recipro- cate, whether we can afford it or not. We do it, and we do it with ease. Is it not a wonderful system? Are you not con- sumed with curiosity, my dear children, to know what the system is? We also have received smoking jackets—because my wife and I do not smoke—and antiques, when we need coal. Our great discovery came about in this wise: My wife and I dislike coffee. Nothing can tempt us to buy it or drink it—not even So two years ago a kind cousin, thoughtful of our habits in that regard, gave us a beautiful, nickel-plated, three-legged percolator. We got this percolator, that we could not use, in exchange for a silver- plated chafing dish we could not afford to buy for ourselves, In Christmas giving, your exports al- ways exceed yourimports. No Christmas shopper ever declared a dividend. But Aunt Mary, who blew in Christmas morn- ing, went into raptures over that percolator. She had always wanted one. She supposed she would comicbooks.com