Judge — November 29, 1913 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Fifty dollars is entirely too much and more than I'll agree to,’’ broke in Homely again, winking at his wife behind the other's back and making a mental note of the amount for future refer- ence. ‘I’m positive that any good mechanic could fix this up foreven less than twenty dollars and make a fair profit on the work, too.’’ “A repair job costs more, size for size, than a new one,” explained the other pa- tiently. ‘It doesn’t just seem to me’’—— “I'll not be mean about it,’’ offered Homely, as if suddenly anxious to have the business over with. ‘‘Let’s split the difference. What d’you say to thirty- five dollars?’” The man smiled. ‘‘Well, have it to suit yourself. I have nothing to gain or lose either way. If you'll come down to the office this afternoon, we'll settle on that basis. You can get your money without delay.’’ “Get my money?” answered Homely. “You mean you want me to pay in ad- vance, don’t you?”’ “Whom do you take me for, anyway?” queried the visitor. ‘‘I’m’’ “Aren't you the carpenter I instructed to be here first thing this morning?” in- quired Homely, startled and thinking of the fifty dollars he had hoped the insur- ance company might pay him. “T guess you've got your callers a bit mixed,’’ responded the other, as a middle- aged man with a pencil over his ear came up the back steps. ‘‘That must be your carpenter now. I’m one of the adjusters from the insurance office.’’ Jocosity U Desire Gives Enjoyment. Money's Worth, or Money Back THE CLERK was at a loss, and a floor- walker minced up and took a part in the conversation. “Now, how about my money back?” de- manded the red-faced lady. “We return money when cases so jus- tify. What is it—ribbons, shoes?’’ “Naw; it’s a book.’” “Has the book been read?"’ “Of course.’” “Um. We can’t return money on books, you know.’” The red-faced lady grew purple. **You aim to have only satisfied cus- tomers. That’s the way you advertise. Ain’t it, now?’’ “Yes, madam."’ “Then why can’t you take this novel back and return my money?’’ “Is the book damaged in any way?" sparred the floor-walker. ‘Print imper- fect, or anything like that?"’ “Can't say it is.”” “Then why are you not satisfied with the novel?” “*Why, I don’t like the way it ends.’” —William S. Adkins, Apology His name is so old, And her wealth all so new! How could she withhold— His name is so old— Her hand and her gold, When the duke came to woo? His name is so old, And her wealth all so new! Stokely S. Fisher. Easy Mark Madge—I hear he’s very sweet on you. Marjorie—Rather! He’s good for about two pounds of candy every week. Escaping Danger WHILE visiting his nephew in the city, Uncle Sam Shimmerpate stopped in front of a motion-picture billboard on which were displayed pictures of lions, tigers, elephants and other African wild animals. “Great guns, Henry,’’ he said to his nephew, ‘I'm mighty glad I leave town Saturday afternoon !’’ “Why are you so anxious to get away?” asked the nephew. Pointing to the billboard, Uncle Sam read aloud the words: ‘‘To be released Saturday night.’’ The man who worries is not often cho- sen as toastmaster. HAS THEIR NUMBER Indignant party—Hello, Central! Can you sug- gest the wrong number to ask for in order to get 6380 Franklin? comicbooks.com