Judge — November 22, 1913 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

just as the insurance policy has lapsed, the fool may rock the boat or point his unloaded gun at us, the firm we work for may go bankrupt the day before pay-day when we're being paid by the month, our mortgage may be foreclosed, women may have the vote, our daughter may elope with the janitor, our son may start the cigarette habit—anything like these or a million kindred ailments, diseases, abuses, misfortunes and knocks may come about; but give us an aching tooth, and we ig- nore them as in normal condition we ig- nore the advice of a friend. “And for every tooth we receive in babyhood, let us not forget we have two to be pulled, cleaned, filled, excavated, sawed off or crowned. With the misery I am of teeth, Nature is bountiful. thankful this is the case only with the teeth. True, some of us double, up on our eyes; but what frights we would be if we had to have two noses for each one we have when born! “*And even when all the teeth are pulled out of my head and I masticate my infre- quent beefsteak with a hand-made, store- sold set of crockery molars, I'll be thank- ful, too. For then, when I want to clean my teeth, I'll simply have to take them out of my face, place them in a wash basin, scrub them until my arm is tired, and then put them out on the line to dry. Leave them on the table? Not much! They might bite some one’s fingers, and then there would cease the cause for thanksgiving. “It will be worth while not having them if we can live through a winter without our teeth chattering, unless we pick them up and shake them as Mr. Bones does. Write me as one who's not beneath true thankfulness for having teeth.” Sublimity THE sliver lining to the cloud, The pearl within the oyster, The diamond hidden in the earth, The saint within the cloister— The poets sweetly sing their praise, Perhaps they need some puffing, But what’s the use in wasting words About the turkey stuffing? Has Nothing on Citiman Farmer—I have a brown leghorn down home that lays the year round. Citiman—Oh, that’s nothing. We have a milkman at home who lays a bottle of milk in front of our door every morning. Thankful “Paw,"’ said Wallie, ‘‘why do we have Thanksgiving Day just when we do have it, and why should we have it?” “If itcame after Christmas,”’ reflected paw, ‘‘we wouldn't be able to be thank- ful, only because it was over.’’ Conservatives She—Have you seen any ladies dressed in the fall fashions yet? He—None. They still seem to prefer the ‘‘before the fall’’ fashion! Degrees of Gratitude Tommy stuffs his little tank full, And it makes him feel quite thank-full. Top of all he eats a cruller, And it leaves him still thank-fuller. With ice cream the pain he lullest, And that makes him feel thank-fullest. To Be Exact Judge—How did you get that awful bump on your head? Umson—Family quarrel, your honor. Judge—Hit by a piece of bric-a-brac? Umson—Not the brack, your honor; just the brick. comicbooks.com