Judge, 1913-11-22 · page 6 of 26
Judge — November 22, 1913 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical piece by Kate Masterson mocks the pretensions of wealthy country-house holiday gatherings. The humor centers on the gap between refined expectations and actual behavior among the upper class. The list catalogs hypocritical "modern" etiquette: guests skip breakfast, children are shipped away (called "little darlings" sarcastically), and servants must be impossibly skilled contortionists. Notably, "relatives are no longer invited"—a jab at the dissolution of traditional family bonds among the affluent. The forbidden dinner topics (suffrage, servants, cold baths, illnesses, vices) satirize how polite society censors genuine discussion. The pepsin tablets in guest rooms mock guests' overindulgence and digestive distress. The accompanying cartoons reinforce the theme: "Too Fastidious" shows a waiter defending cheap service, while "An Annual Event" presents Thanksgiving excess—overeating and immediate regret—as annual ritual. Overall, the page ridicules wealthy Americans' simultaneous pursuit of sophistication and comfort, their dysfunctional family dynamics, and the hollow nature of their social conventions.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Society Thanksgiving For use at Country House Parties By KATE MASTERSON HAT no one is expected to show up at breakfast. That anything is better than staying in town for the day. That if the heavens are merciful enough to send rain, one needn't be dragged miles over a golf course in the pursuit of what is known as Outdoor Sport. Which will mean bridge all day. That one might win. Stranger things have happened. That the children have been sent to At- lantie City. Little darlings! That five o'clock tea now means any old thing you want. That the new gowns don't hook up the back, That dinners are as late as possible. That providing the entire list of wines is no longer imperative as a proof of hos- pitality. That trotting is allowed between courses, That dinner rolls are going out. Also the Russian service. That properly trained butlers are also contortionists. That relatives are no longer invited. That family reunions are no longer being held. That the hostess now provides pepsin tablets in the guest rooms, together with the soap and the best sellers. That these topics are absolutely barred at civilized tables: The New Corsets The Weather Rivals Reduction Cures Suffrage Dreams Salad Dressings The Children Bills Favorite Authors The Servants Politics Poor Relations Cold Baths Illnesses. Rich Relations — Troubles Virtues Any Relations Ancestors Vices Love Affairs High Cost of Loving That there are no ear trumpets at the table. Nor bishops, nor bromides, nor bacteria. That the cheese is served without the usual dog biscuit. ‘That there are a lot of early trains for town. That it will all be over soon. That there is another year not touched yet. Aslur in music, like a slur in society, is often due to ignorance. THIS TURKEY HAD A PREMONITION An Annual Event Turkey on the platter, Heaps of other things; All the folks a-chatter, Noisy laughter rings. Kit and little Davy. See those youngsters stuff! Give me some more gravy; I can’t get enough! Vain regret and sorrow In the night hours late? Never mind to-morrow! Gosh! this pie is great! “The sports make both ends meet, all right."’ “How?” “Using headwork in football."” TOO FASTIDIOUS Garcon—Handle o' de knife 's sticky, is it? Wot d’ ye expect fer twelve cents? A cabaret show? comicbooks.&