Judge, 1913-11-01 · page 17 of 24
Judge — November 1, 1913 — page 17: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**"Ups and Downs of an Elevator Boy"** is a humorous poem about an elevator operator's romantic misfortune. The narrator is infatuated with a young woman working in the building, but through cruel timing, whenever he operates his elevator going *up*, she's going *down*, and vice versa. He can never coordinate their movements to encounter her. The joke plays on the literal "ups and downs" of elevator operation while depicting the emotional ups and downs of unrequited romantic pursuit. The page also includes brief comic anecdotes mocking pretension and revealing human nature (a wife avoiding patent-medicine ads, a mayor's employee caught actually working). The substantial Bell Telephone advertising argues that despite rising costs for food and clothing since 1895, telephone rates have *decreased* by over half—positioning the monopoly as consumer-friendly through efficiency and scale. The ads contrast "Living Expenses Up" with "Telephone Rates Down."
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
+ Ups and Downs of an Elevator Boy By RALPH STANLEY OIN’' UP! No, it ain't a bad perfession When you gets to know your job. Ic'n run this elevator Good as any other slob. An’ I meets a lot of people, Some that smiles an’ some that frowns. Every job’s got good an’ bad points. This one’s full of ups an’ downs. Goin’ down! Goin’ up! It’s a good enough position Fer a guy to get his start; But a man in my condition, With a sentimental heart, Is bound to get despondent An’ dejected now an’ then, When, fer days, he passes upward, On the tenth, a certain wren. Goin’ down! Goin’ up! She’s a classy little chicken. There ain’t no stenographer In the buildin’ got a figger, Or can drape it, just like her. An’ she’s pretty as a pitcher— Jet-black hair an’ eyes soft brown. I've done my best to flag her, Goin’ up while she goes down. Goin’ down! Goin’ up! She comes down to work each mornin’, Anywhere from half-past eight To nine o'clock or later; But I’m always just too late To be down on the ground floor An’ ready when she’s there. ; An’ I pass her when she's goin’ up, A-flyin’ through the air. Goin’ down! Goin’ up! I'm not a pessimistic Or a hard-luck kind of guy, But my disposition’s sourin’, *Cause, no matter how I try To make the right connections, I get stung. It makes me sore. I'm always flyin’ upward, When she’s waitin’ at her floor. Goin’ down! Taking No Chances Hemmandhaw—Why do you always read the last chapter first, my dear? Do you like to see how the story turns out? Mrs. Hemmandhaw—No, love; I just want to make sure that the story is not one of those’ patent-medicine advertise- ments. Surprised Mayor—Do you mean to tell me you were surprised to find three of the em- ployes in the City Hall at work? Reporter—Oh, no, your honor! I said I was surprised to find them awake. If Higbee—If I caught my wife wearing one of those slit skirts, I'd —— Dyer—You'd ‘‘rubber’’ like the rest of us. Economy of the Bell System, At the same time, the efficiency and value of the service to the sub- scriber has vastly increased. Today he can talk to an average of five times as many persons in each exchange as he could eighteen years ago. This is the inevitable result of the comprehensive policy of the Bell System, which brings together the associated Bell companies and the communities they serve. Through the very size and effi- ciency of their organization they accomplish improvements and effect economies which give the greatest service at the lowest rates. Consider this significant fact: While most of the necessaries of life have gone up, the price of telephone - service, which is one of the essential factors in our commercial and social life, has moved steadily downward. piihoet a pound of these neces- sities still contains but sixteen ounces, the telephone user has been petting more and more service for ess money. On the average, the people of this country pay 49% more today for food, fuel and clothing than they did in 1895. Since then, the decrease in the average rates for telephone ser- vice has been more than one-half. AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH COMPANY AND ASSOCIATED COMPANIES One System One Policy Universal Service 50 {YW GENUINE DIRECT; \ PERFECT FROM $ \. CUT IMPORTER PER CARAT Save *;,and More at These WORLD'S LOWEST PRICES: '/, Carat Diamond, S$ 8.25 1), Carat Diamond, $45.00 1, Carat Diamond, $17.50 34 Carat Diamond, $67.50 Ke 3/s Carat Diamond, $31.25 1 Carat Diamond, $97.50 ye FREE EXAMINATION ALLOWED WITHOUT OBLIGATION TO PURCHASE! he ANY SIE Uy Gunrantes in writing to Ree eh teers cee IN CASH, less 10 ee Gorey 25 Quality and Value Legally Certified. seemenrern toes wae 128 PAGE DE LUXE BASCH DIAMOND BOOK, FREE! Contains) theaends el, Erapbed art cover. This bigheautifel book willenable you to buy Diamonds as safely and foteligently as any Diamond Expert! Write today! Lt. BASCH & Co. DEPT.H226 STATE AND QUINCY STREETS, CHICAGO, U.S.A In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com