Judge — October 18, 1913 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HIGHER MATHEMATICS AYY ONE who believes that the corner druggist spends half his time carry- ing money to the bank needs a new point of view. Between dis- pensing postage stamps and deciphering Latin prescriptions written by doctors whose writing re- sembles isothermal lines on a government chart, the druggist has a merry day. In these modern days the corner drug store is not a drug store at all—it’s the neigh- borhood depository for everything from bug powder to classified advertisements for the daily papers. One of its chief functions is in the capacity of telephone exchange for the community—where the ladies of the neighorhood say things that would make them blush to mention over their own wires, About all a druggist has to do is to get up at daybreak and get in the supply of ~ice for the day, sweep out and wash up the glassware, then get busy with his soda fountain and stamp box. Seventy per cent. of his business comes from stamps and soda, and the balance is scat- tered between gum fiends, smokers and doctors. There is more profit in filling a Latin prescription for a doctor than in compounding one brought in by a bare- legged kid, whose mother wrote it ona picket fence, but the efficiency is alto- gether in favor of the home-made article. Below are some samples collected by a suburban druggist in one afternoon re- cently: UU Che Corner Drug Store EMM ul “You will plese gif the littel boi for five cents epecak for to trow up a fife monts old baby. The baby has a sore stummick.”’ “This child is my little girl. I send five cents to buy two sitless powders for & grown up adult who is sick.’’ “My baby has eat a peace of his fathers parrish plaster. Sens a annect- dote quick as possible by the enclose boy.” “I haf a hot time insides and would like a extinguisher. What is good for to extinguish it. The inclosed money is for the price and send the change back.’” “Dear Sir Drug- gist. Please give berrer some aun- ty toxens to gar- gel sore troat in a littel baby girl three years last May.” At eleven-thirty the tired druggist is ready to crawl into his hard bunk back of the pre- scription case and trust to his lucky star for an hour's SHOWING HOW TWO CAN LIVE CHEAPER THAN ONE sleep before the regular midnight quartet comes along and routs him out for a box of cigarettes. Of course there are com- pensations. No druggist is compelled to attend church regularly, and they get a special price on city directories by con- tracting for four copies per annum. —Fred D. Jones. Caught with the Goods Fiancee—How did you guess there were a lot of nice young men where I spent my vacation? he Fiance — You've learned to kiss so nicely. An Economic Gain If political windjammers could be util- ized as air-pumps for inflating tires what a great labor-saving device it would be. “AND TO THINK THAT ALL MY LIFE 1'VE BEEN A VEGETARIAN!” comicbooks.com