Judge — October 18, 1913 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Mary Again S4y. Mary had a little clock, And clocks run down, you know; But I saw Mary’s through her slash, And hers runs up, I know. If Mary’s clocks can truly run, And you can see them go, The running can’t be very good Else why are they so slow? Why, Mary has them trained, you see; They can’t go as they like. Of unions they are innocent, And never learned to strike. —WVK Cause and Effect “It is very curious to me,”’ said Slith- ers, ‘‘what a musical voice Mrs. Bright- eyes has, and yet whenever she speaks in French it is hard and rasping—almost metallic.’” “Oh, that’s only natural !’’ said Bingo. “‘Yousee, Mrs. Brighteyes learned French by phonograph, and she has mistaken the imperfections of the records for accent.’’ Domestic Legislation Winkle—My wife would make a good congressman. Hinkle—Why? Winkle—She’s always introducing bills into the house! . HE HAD NEVER SEEN HER IN THAT LIGHT BEFORE From a N° WOMAN ever made a fool of a man who had not al- ready started the job for himself. Adam and Eve may have been the first Progressives, but they waited in vain for the recall. A train of thought ought to carry, some- where between the cow-catcher and the diner, at least one good vehicle of expression. Sin does not bother itself with questions of a minimum wage. Sin goes after the maximum wage, and invariably gets it. Afterall, why should we not find the biggest strawberries at the top? There is a popu- lar impression that there is more room there. It’s easy enough to be merry when life runs along like a song, and days are as sweet as the cherry, and nothing is tainted with wrong; but the man worth while is the chap who can smile while reading a copy of London Punch. THE WRONG BAIT Notebook The Silver Lining The cloud its silver lining hath To compensate our ills, Yet ne’er a cloud has crossed my path Sufficient for my bills; For when it drops its fortunes fair To ease my pain and shock, I find, alas! my sorry share Is naught but watered stock. Jester’s It is one of the curious contradictions of life that one has to cig pretty deep down into the mire of corruption to find the Man Higher Up. If Juliet had been a militant suffra- gette, with a brick in her hand, Romeo would never have dared ask, ‘‘What’s in anaim?’’ She might have shown him. The subtlest business man we ever heard of is the Pennsylvania milkman who is giving away Angora kittens to his customers. He knows how to increase the demand for his product. We hear of ‘a Boston man who is so iazy that his wife says he won’t even split an infinitive, much less the kindling wood. It is nonsense to say that a dollar doesn’t go very far these days. Some of ’em go so far that, somehow or other, we never can hope to get ’em back again. —Horace Dodd Gastit. Not Making Any Traveler (in smoking car)—Could I trouble you for a match? Champion pugilist (absently)—Not till I finish my vaudeville engagements. comicbooks.com