Judge, 1913-10-11 · page 9 of 24
Judge — October 11, 1913 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**Top Illustration ("There to See"):** A beach scene depicting the punchline to a retail transaction. A young woman in a bathing suit confronts a clerk (center, in dark suit) about a shrinking swimsuit. The joke plays on the clerk's promise to refund money if the suit shrinks—he's now in the water with her, presumably to verify the claim personally, turning a customer-service guarantee into awkward social comedy. **"She Wouldn't Be Fussy":** Satire of a new boarding-house tenant who claims not to be "fussy" while listing dozens of petty complaints: room rearrangement, noise from neighbors' piano and singing, the milkman's whistling, soup-slurping sounds, damp towels, unsalted butter, and chair height. The humor relies on the classic contradiction between stated humility and obsessive demands—a portrait of tedious, neurotic complaint-making. **"Keeping Step" and "Malaproprian":** Brief humorous verse and quips about fashion conformity and domestic sentiment, minor filler pieces typical of satirical magazines of this era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THERE TO SEE ‘The clerk who told her, ‘If the bathing suit shrinks bring it back and we will cheerfully refund you your money," is the man in the center, She Wouldn't Be “Fussy” «J HAVE no wish to be fussy, and I am sure that you will find that I am not that way after Iam fully settled,’’ said the new boarder to the landlady, who had ‘put up’’ with so much during thirty years as mistress of a boarding house that she was immune from surprise of any kind. “As I say,’’ added the new boarder, “T have no wish to be fussy, but I would like to have the bed put in the other corner of the room and the dressing case put where the bed is and the mirror hung in a different light and the wash stand put where it would be less conspicuous. And would you mind asking the person in the room across the hall not to play the piano quite so much, and if the per- son in the room adjoining mine must smoke, will you ask him not to do so when Iam in the room? Tobacco smoke is exceedingly disagreeable to me, and I can detect it through a closed door. Then may I ask you to speak to the milk- man about whistling when he brings the milk? I heard him distinctly before day- light this morning, and I could not get to sleep again. And I heard one of your maids singing or trying to sing several times to-day, and it was really very un- pleasant, and—oh, yes! I knew there was something else! Could you in some way suggest to the old gentleman who sits next to me at the table that he eat his soup without making that disagree- able drawing-in noise? And if he was boarding with me, I would not hesitate to tell him that it is the worst of bad form to tuck his napkin into his collar. As I say, I have no wish to be fussy, and I think you will discover that I am not that way; but I— One of my towels was a little damp when it was brought to me this morning, and I do dislike a damp towel or napkin above all things; and if I could have unsalted butter and no pepper in my soup, I would appreciate it. I had made a little list of other things I want to speak to you about, but I do not seem able to lay my hand on it. There were three or four other things I do not remember. I will speak to you about them later. Not that I want to be fussy, but— Could I have a lower rock- ing chair in my room? This one is so high, especially for sewing.”” Max Merryman, The silence of the dumb is not golden. Keeping Step SaAlp acertain young, gay kangaroo, **T can see my old steps will not do. Lest I get out of datey I shall sit up quite late, To acquire the unique tangaroo.”” —Blanche Elizabeth Wade, Malaproprian Visitor—Your husband gets a lot of sentiment out of his pipe. Mrs. Richquick—Goodness, yes! It is perfectly disgusting to see him clean it! UTILIZING THE WASTE comicbooks.com