Judge — October 11, 1913 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Parables of Pifflicus Of the Young Man Who Got Wise Now IT came to pass that a certain young man went forth from the High School seeking a Position. : He journeyed by night into a far city and be- sought many men with great diligence to connect him with the Pay Roll. But they all with one accord answered him say- ing, We have no place for thee. — Whereupon he bethought himself of many who had wrought great works, and resolved within himself say- ing, Now I will get me books and learn the way to success. And he applied himself diligently unto the works of the scribes who taught that Honesty, Industry and Perseverance are even the secrets thereof. And after many days he journeyed forth again, beseeching men without number to give him a Job, crying, Ver- ily, I will serve thy pleasure with Hon- esty, Industry and Perseverance, even as those whose names are written in the great scroll. But all men said to him nay. And while he wept beside the city gate a Wise One passed that way and inquired of him the reason of his wailing. And when he had learned the cause thereof, he spake unto the young man thus: . Ditch thou that celluloid collar and that ancient lid, and give thy Josh Whitcomb raiment unto the ice man. Then get thee to a dollar-down market place and purchase a modern outfit of Clothes with a Georgem Co-Han hat, and go forth and beard the bosses in their inner sanctums. And he arose and went forth and did even as he had bade him. And it came to pass thata certain rich man who had turned him down before was seized witha great yearning to acquire him. And he received him gladly and made him as one of the tirm, even unto handing him the hand of his daughter in marriage. And the young man rejoiced greatly, saying, Clothes do not make the man, but they some- times help to make a Hit. Selah. —W, Kee Maxwell. His “Pick-up” Work Leading the new hired hand up to a big pile of gnarly old and dry apple-tree trunks and hickory stumps, Uncle Ab Tansy said, in the tone of one conferring a favor, “Now, here’s a little pick-up work for ye when you're sort o’ restin’ up, waitin’ for the meal bell to ring. Most folks like to have a little pick-up work handy, an’ I reckon this an’ a dreen I’m diggin, Is THEIR SPECIALTY SKINNER & SHARK ARCHITECTS Plans ASMOINCETONS, Client—And remember, I want to get stucco for my twelve thousand dollars. Architect—Ob, don't worry ! You ‘Il get stuck-o all right. GOING TO SPRUCE UP “Give me a bottle of O K rheumatism liniment and a bottle of furniture polish."' out o’ the barnyard will give you some- thing to do in your spare minnits most all summer. If it don’t, I kin set you at diggin’ a new well I want done 'fore winter sets in. Allus like to have some- thing on hand in the way o’ pick-up work.”” Tango T's H, SIMPLE amber beverage, Clear green or black and strong, With dainty muffins, jam and cake Associated long, The portly matron’s daily drink, The spinster's cherished brew, The caddy you have left to join A bacchanalian crew! Where from the family table once Your fragrant steam arose, Like incense, now it curls around A host of twinkling toes. Champagne and sherbet yield you place Amid the revelry, For what would tango be without The all-important T?—ainna Irving. Especially Moralist—The outsider who buys stocks is a gambler, pure and simple. Ticker—Especially simple. “Put money in thy purse’’ is good advice to follow if you do not filch it from another's purse. comicbooks.com