Judge, 1913-10-11 · page 6 of 24
Judge — October 11, 1913 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge magazine contains three humorous essays satirizing American life: **"Mosquito's Family Doctor"** mocks the Agricultural Department's discovery that mosquitoes hum from breathing, not wing vibration. The author humorously objects to imagining having to listen to a mosquito's chest to verify this—fearing the mosquito might misinterpret the gesture and bite, destroying their "relationship." **"Every Little Bit Helps"** describes Tom Wishart of Missouri, famous for eating prodigiously. He wins a bet eating one quail daily for thirty days, then tops it off with oysters. When asked if he regrets anything, Tom replies his only regret is they weren't turkeys—satirizing American excess and appetite. **"The Gentleman Burglar"** satirizes urban snobbery. It jokes that cities now consider it shameful to be robbed by ordinary burglars—only "gentleman burglars" maintain social respectability. The satire targets class consciousness and the absurdity of prioritizing propriety over actual crime. The cartoons' simple line drawings illustrate these everyday American absurdities with gentle, affectionate humor typical of Judge's satirical approach.
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On Being a Mosquito’s Family Doctor ‘THE Agricultural Department has just discovered that the humming a mos- quito makes is not due to the vibration of its wings, as has been so long sup- posed, but to its breathing. We are glad that we did not have to do the experi- menting. Itwouldnotsuit our sensitive nature to =. bend over the silent form mmm of the mosquito, trying to discover from whence came the noise. We would not want to place our ear against its breast and strain every nerve to find where the sound was coming from. We would be afraid the mosquito might mistake our intentions and turn and bite us. Then, no difference how friendly our relations had been before, we would never again feel the same toward that mosquito. We would not care if a sud- den accident befell it. We would not go into widow's weeds over it. The next day we would be out on the street, smil- ing and gay, so that even our nearest friends would never know that we had been an eyewitness of a catastrophe. We are glad that the government has never asked us to listen to a mosquito breathe and make a full and complete report on what we saw and heard. We would make a poor mosquito specialist. Every Little Bit Helps A MISSOURI town Tom Wishart was known for his gastronomic He took great pride in the surpris- iN 5 =D ity. AT THE GRADE CROSSING—SOME NEWS IN THE MAKING Watching Our Funny World Go By By HOMER CROY ing amount of food that he could stow away. As he himself said, his stomach would hold as much as a gunnysack. One day he got up a bet that he could eat a quail a day for thirty days. Itwas popularly supposed that this could not be done, on account of the dryness of the meat. Tom ate the first quail greedily and ate one a day for a month, eating the thirtieth with as much relish, seem- ingly, as the first one. A crowd had col- lected to see his whirlwind finish. Tom finished in a blaze of glory, for he not only licked the plate where the last quail had rested, but turned around and ate a bucketful of oysters on top of the bird. “Have you any regrets, Tom?" asked one of the men in the crowd in an awed tone. “My only regret,’ answered Tom, pick- ing his teeth with satisfaction, ‘‘is that they weren’t turkeys.’’ The Gentleman Burglar A GENTLEMAN burglar has been dis- covered in an Ohio town of two thousand. For a long time they have been all the rage in the cities. It’s get- ting so that a city cannot lift up its head and look another city in the eye unless it has at least one gentleman burglar. It’s a disgrace these days to be robbed by any except a gentleman burglar. No man of any social standing whatever would dare go to the police and admit that a lowborn burglar had carried off his silverware. When a person hears a burglar in his pantry these days, he’s got to slip down and ask the caller about his ancestry, then tie him up, before he goes and speaks to the police. It will be a pjJeasant sight, indeed, to all lovers of social etiquette to see a lady cop leading a gentleman burglar off to- ward the station house in a perfectly ladylike way. INVERSE RATIO Julia—Can Johnny come in for half price? He 's only got one eye. Hattie—You 'll have to pay double for him. It takes him twice as long to see the show. comicbooks.com