Judge — October 11, 1913 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HOTEL IMPERIAL Broadway at Thirty-First and Thirty-Second Streets NEW YORK CITY VERLOOKING GREELEY SQUARE, one block from Penn- sylvania Station. The customary re- duction in rates will be given to guests who take rooms by the month, quarter or year. The Imperial offers all the refinements of a Fifth Avenue home, including excellent food, daintily served at reasonable prices. Restaurant charge accounts opened with responsi- ble patrons by arrangement with the manager. Rooms may be seen on ap- plication to the room clerk, Send for prices. ROBERT STAFFORD Proprietor booklet and schedule of COPELAND TOWNSEND Manager Tel. 6100 Madison Square HOTEL WHITE ( WRITE \ vac Stand acid and fire Wiamond test, So hard they = scratch a file and y will cut glass. Brilliancy guaran- teed 2Syears. Mounted in l4k solid gold eo ad mountings. See them before ena Minne ne HITE VALLEY GEM CO., 773 Wulsin Bidg., Indianapolis HOTEL EARLINGTON 27th Street, West of Broadway NEW YORK EUROPEAN PLAN @A Step from Broadway. q Absolutely Fireproof. Quiet as a Village at Night. q Your Comfort Our Aim Always. Parlor, Bedroom and Bath, front of house, ‘one person, $2.50; two people, $3.50. Why poy more when our service is equalled only yy the be: SINGLE ROOMS, $1.00 E W. WARFIELD, - Manager Stories Mistaken Identity—A fishwife entered a tramcar and thought she recognized an- other passenger as an acquaintance. Ac- cordingly she bent forward and, with an ingratiating smile, said, ‘‘That’s you, isn’t it? [hardly kent ye.” “Aye, that’s me,’’ replied the other; nd that’s you, isn’t it? How are ye?’’ “Oh, A’m nae that bad,’’ was the reply. After this silence ensued, and the first speaker, on further scrutiny, became con- vinced that the woman opposite was not an acquaintance, after all. Again she bent forward and, with an apologetic smirk, remarked, ‘‘But that’s nae you at ‘Nae,"’ replied the other. ‘It’s nae nane o’ us!'’—Scottish American, Cause for Complaint—Vaughn Comfort, interlocutor of Honey Boy George Evans's Minstrels, is circulating this story: An old rustic, bent and painfully limp- ing, was accosted by a friend, who in- quired, “Hello, Zeb! What's ailin’ ye?” big corn between two tves,’’ said Zeb, ‘‘and it hurts somethin’ awful !"" **Lemme see it. Mebbe I kin do ye some good.’’ “*No use, Joe. six weeks.”” “But it won’t do any harm to let me try.’” Slowly and tenderly the old man re- moved his boot. “Great guns, man!"’ the friend ex- claimed. ‘*How long did you say you have been suffering?"’ “‘Jest about six weeks,’” “This ain’tany corn!"’ cried Joe. ‘‘It's a collar button !""— Youngstown Telegran . It’s been thataway fer His System—‘‘Farmers take life a lit- tle easier, thanks to their various unions and combinations, than they used to do."” The speaker was John H. Kimble, of Port Deposit, secretary of the Farmers’ National Congress, an organization of three million farmers. He continued, “(Farmers are not nowadays like old Cornelius Husk. A new hand said to the old man one morning in the harvest season, “**T suppose you believe in the eight- hour system, Corney?’ “**That'’s what I do,’ grunted old Corn Husk, as he swung his pitchfork vigor- ously. ‘Eight hours in the forenoon, eight hours in the afternoon and two or three hours overtime arter supper in the hay and harvest season—that’s my sys- tem.’ '’— Washington Star. Just a Light Lunch—They were on the subject of girls. ‘Look here!’? exclaimed McFarland. ‘Did you ever take a girl out to lunch when she felt a little faint?” “Er—no,’’ admitted Smith reluctantly. “Well, take my advice and don’t. One day I took Miss Jennie Westcott into a restaurant. At first she declined to eat anything, but then she s: id she believed she did feel a little fain “Did she take anything?”” “Did she take anything? She seized the menu, glanced over it, said she didn’t feel very hungry and ordered’’—— With Smiles “*Well, what did she order?” “Oysters, bouillon, lobster, cutlets, sweetbreads and peas, chicken, shrimp salad, biscuit glace, macaroons, coffee and creme de menthe. It cost me three dollars." “Well, you ought to be glad,’’ said Smith, “Glad? What for?” “Why, glad she wasn’t hungry.”"— Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph. Famous in the Morning—Here is one that was recently told by George M, Cohan, the playwright, in demonstrating that fame sometimes comes to one quite unawares, At an elaborate social function at a prominent summer resort, a young man took more wine than his consi tion was registered for, and the result was zigzag pedestrianism A friend, on calling at his rooms on the following morning, found the super-wined one rather remorseful. “You don’t know how badly I feel,” said the sad party to the friend, witha soulful sigh. ‘‘I took more wine than was good for me, and I am afraid that 1 must have walked so unsteadily that everybody is laughing at me.’’ ‘Laughing at you!’’ exclaimed the friend, with an expression of wonder. “There's where you are making the mis- take of your life! Why, you ure famous, old man! Everybody is lauding you to the skies for inventing a new dance!""— Philadelphia Telegraph. Not in the Orders—Jim’s boss sent him up on the roof to paint it. That was early in the morning. Toward nightfall the boss clambered up the ladder to see whether his workman had flown away or been eaten by the birds. There was Jim sitting on the edge of the house, singing. “Jim, you lazy piece, what you been doing?”’ ““Nuffin’."” “Didn't I send you up here to paint the roof?’’ “*Yassir. “Well, did you do it?” “*Yassir."" “‘What else did you do?’” “T went to sleep.’” “Why didn’t you come down if you had finished?"’ “Deed, boss, you jes’ said paint de roof. You neveh said nuffin’ ‘bout comin’ down.””— Washington Star. Of Course- What is your son doing now?” “Playing the piano in a moving-picture show.’” “IT shouldn’t think you would want him doing that.’” “T don’t; but when a chap has a mu- sical education, he’s got to do something with it, hasn’t he?’’—Chicago Record- Herald. Wouldn't Pay Up—Retainer—Yes, sir; most of us in the servants’ ‘all ’as been in the hearl’s family forty years. Earl's father-in-law—Well, I'm sorry for you, but you can’t git any forty years’ back wages out of me!—Club Fellow. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com