Judge, 1913-09-27 · page 7 of 24
Judge — September 27, 1913 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains four separate humorous anecdotes typical of early 20th-century Judge magazine satire. **"What's In a Name?"** (top): A cyclist romantically pursues a beautiful woman, only to learn she's the mother of talentless but "talented" children who sing and dance poorly. He's horrified—until discovering the Beauty herself is the *sister*, not the mother. Two months later, the kids trick him into marrying their sister anyway. The joke: he was duped by family deception despite his initial discernment. **"Indolent"**: A one-liner mocking extreme laziness—a man so idle he enters a revolving door and waits for someone else to push it. **"Frugality"**: A Southern congressman's daughter brags about a bride reusing a great-grandmother's lace veil. The old mammy responds with horror at such penny-pinching, treating it as shockingly miserly. The joke satirizes Southern gentility and attitudes toward family heirlooms. **"Reversed"**: A father jokes that car speedometers actually measure slowness, not speed—contemporary satire on slow driving or traffic.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
WHAT'S IN A NAME? Cyclist How far is it to Grand City? “Do they carry a baseball kit?’ he said lightly, trying to test the depths of his approaching bereavement. “Indeed they do! They’re a most talented family! Lake sings, Mrs. Lake plays the organ, her sister out-Pavlowas Pavlowa’’ “Hurry me to the train!’’ he said, ris- ing. ‘‘So much talent in one family jars me. I don’t wish to meet’’—— “Don't wish to meet whom—me?"’ Extending her hand was the Beauty—the mother of those awful kids! His heart spun around like a top, but he rose to the occasion, and ice was not cooler than he, “*So those lads are yours!’’ he said, laughing. “Oh—no—far from it! They are my sister’s. She is Mrs. Lake. Here she is coming up the road. You are sure to like her, for she left the boys at home!"’ “Like her?’’ He could adore her, for was not she—she— the mother of those kids, and was not the Beauty free to fall before the tempest of his love? o 6 © 6 . « Two months later the lads who lured him to that sand-lot game escorted the Beauty up the aisle to meet him, while her sister played Lohengrin’s Wedding March. Indolent “Is Jones lazy?"’ ‘‘Lazy’s no name for it. Why, he'll go into a revolv- ing door, and then wait for somebody to come in and turn it around.’” Cop—You ‘re in the center of that city now, and are under arrest for exceeding the speed limit up that hill, Frugality THE DAUGHTER of a Southern congressman had recently been a bridesmaid at the marriage of a college chum. On her return home she was telling the family, including the old colored mam- my, of the cere- mony. ‘‘And just think, Aunt Com- fort,” she fin- ished, ‘‘the bride wore the lace veil that had belonged. to her great grandmother!’”’ “Law, Miss Sid- ney, chile’? ex- claimed mammy, in tones of hor- ror, ‘‘that sholy am one saving fambly !"” Reversed “Pa, is the speedometer onan auto to tell how fast it is going?”’ “No, son; to tell how slow it is going.”” AFTER HIM Myra (as he offers a chair)—Oh, after you, Mr. Slowleigh comicbooks.com