Judge, 1913-09-20 · page 16 of 24
Judge — September 20, 1913 — page 16: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This *Judge* magazine page satirizes early-1900s American social anxieties through three humor columns: **"Why Men Loaf on Muddy Crossings"** mocks the distraction caused by women's newly fashionable "slashed skirts"—dresses with slits revealing the leg. The editor claims such skirts prevent men from concentrating on serious matters like Congress, using exaggerated anatomy descriptions that were risqué for the era. **"Dust and the Devil"** critiques how automobiles are emptying Kansas churches. The satire suggests cars distract farmers from religion while creating dusty roads so severe that eating pie requires a whisk-broom. The author ironically proposes making all drivers ministerial students. **"The Old Swimming Hole"** nostalgically contrasts childhood memories of a grand swimming hole with its current diminished state, clogged with "rocks and stumps and turtles." All three pieces reflect period concerns: changing sexual mores, rapid technological disruption of rural life, and romanticized nostalgia for pre-modern America.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
fo") TCH. FUNNY WORLD GO BY Why Men Loaf on Muddy Crossings HE HIGH-SALARIED editor of this page wonders if other men have the same trouble with the slashed skirt that he has. When there is a slashed skirt “WE CAN'T KEEP OUR MIND ON CONGRESS” around, we can’t keep our mind on Con- gress, Even when there is an especially attractive sunset being put on, our mind isn’t on the sun. We'll have to confess that it’s on the daughter. At first, the slash was just a small, delicate one; then it grew larger, until delicacy put up its back hair and fled. Still the slash grew higher and higher. First, the slash got a foothold, so to speak, on the instep; then it climbed slowly up the tibia, until it got its fin- gers on the kneecap; then it swung itself up— But we must not go farther. We have the mails to think about. Personally we are glad that the slashed skirt is going out of fash- fon, There is no remorse in our heart, now that it is announced that the slashed skirt is doomed. When the holes in the slashed-skirt film show and the Good Night slide goes on, we won’t go home sobbing till none can bring uscomfort. Instead, we'll be glad to get out in the fresh air. We suppose that we are an old fogy; but if there is anything we hate, it is a girl going around ina slashed skirt until a person can see the First Nationa! Bank. Dust and the Devil ONE THOUSAND churches in Kansas have been abandoned, on account of the automobile. This is something to cause us thought- ful persons to think. Personally there is nothing we like better than to think. We often do. It has a strange fascina- tion for us. We have been in Kansas. We might as well tell all: We have lived in Kan- sas. But we are now trying to lead a pure and noble life. The Kansas roads are the dustiest in the world. Somebody has put so much sand on them that you can’t eat a piece of pie out there without using a whisk- broom. When a person orders a piece of pie, he is supposed to return the broom to the nail. Persons carrying off the lunch-counter broom are shot at sight. It is to be lamented that the automo- bile in Kansas is driving out the church. It ought to be bringing it in. There ought to be a church for every automo- bile in Kansas. There is no greater field for church work than among men who have to climb under an automobile in Kansas and speak to the gearing. There should be some way of making it neces- sary that every chauffeur be a ministerial student and making it compulsory for every man who drives his own car to attend church every Sunday morning and lead at the Wednesday night services. We thoughtful people must get to- gether on this and think. “YOU CAN'T EAT A PIECE OP PIE THERE WITHOUT USING A WHISK-BROOM ” w.dmnstnne DEDADAEAD, The Old Swimming Hole WE ARE writing our page this week from the old swimming hole back home. When we left it, it was about the size of Champlain; but now we could almost jump across it with weights. Some of the folks here think it is bigger “AND PA’LL COME TO THE DOOR AND HANG THEW ON THE KNOB” than it used to be; but, my goodness! we could take it up withanapkin. Since we left, somebody has filled it up with rocks and stumps and turtles, For old time's sake, we went swimming in it the other day. We don’t expect to get all the mud out of our ears until along toward the end of the week. Sat- urday night we will take our regular bath. Just to be a boy again, we'll take it Saturday night, whether we need it or not. And we’ll forget our socks again, we know, and pa’ll have to come to the door and hang them on the knob. If we get soap in our eyes and step ona tack as we are getting out, it'll be old times all over, and we won't regret that we went down and risked our life in the old swimming hole again. Commentations THAT's just what we think about the weather, too—but there's another family on our floor. A pastor at Yonkers, New York, has aswimming pool where he teaches the girls of his congregation to swim. We don’t know whether he is looking for an assistant or not, but we shall inquire. If this page is not here next week you will know that he was. comicbooks.com