Judge — September 6, 1913 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A LINE OF HARDWEAR Reassuring NM one Myrtle with her eyes of blue Once more adorns the Avenue— Acoatof tan up- o's on her cheek, And freckles if Playing hide- and-seek Amid her dim- ples, and a share Of summer’s sun —_—— ie her hair— It sets my very soul To walk the Avenue with her. But jealous thrills come o'er me when She bows and smiles on sundry men Who pass along—one, two, and three— An endless line they seem to be— In number quite a score, or more— All brown as she, and al! have got A manner that me liketh not! “Who are these crowds of grinning apes In sundry guises, forms, and shapes, Who beam, and gleam, and smirk, and smile, Like Indians in single file?’’ Quoth I, with growing rage within, For it hath made me mad as sin To note the rather easy air With which they greet Myrtiila there. “‘My Summer Cohorts,’’ she replied— Yet enuggled closer to my side. “T missed you so down by the sea Thad to let them comfort me"’— “O faithless jade’’— thus I began As passed the twenty-seventh man. “Nay, dearest,’’ she replied, ‘‘I’m true. It took "em all to equal you!’ Blakeney Gray. Proof “My hand,’’ said Polly, holding out that exquisite member, ‘is a good deal smaller than yours.’” “Yes,'" said Mabel. ‘‘I can see that at a glance. That ring Reginald gave Method in Their Madness NEVER in my life saw such an as- tonishing collection of freaks in one village as you have here!"’ declared the hypercritical tourist. ‘‘For instance, look at that ramshackle fellow who has been sitting. over there on the horse block all the afternoon, whittling wooden chains and expectorating at a mark! Down back of the lumber yard a grotesque gang have been pitching horseshoes for hours, interspersed with ejaculations like ‘Gol-wind my watch!’ ‘Dad slap a rat!’ and soon. Others are continually parad- ing around with the queerest walks and quaintest whiskers I ever beheld. Is it in the air, or something in the wa- ter, or’’—— “‘Nope!"’ replied the land- lord: of the Pruntytown tav- ern. ‘It's the result of care- ful cultivation. They're waiting to be noveled. A famous author came here two years ago and wrote several fellers up as characters in a novel, and ever since then a considerable number of our citizens have been hoping for him to come back and do it again.”* The Great Divide Tourist—Have you many different classes in this coun- try? American—Only two; those who own autos and those who don’t. —Tom P. Morgan, = “What did you learn from Chips Decker—Here’s some money I won at poker last night. Mrs. Decker—Thank you, dear. I'll buy a chip hat with it. A lazy man, like an automobile, has his tire troubles while on the road. A CRITERION you was always too tight for me." Mrs. Mode—But, monsieur, I really couldn't wear this gown—it's indecent ! Mons, Wurth—Nowadays, madam, nothing is indecent but to show the tips of one’s ears. = that problem novel? The successful man wastes no time dis- ‘How easy it is to fool cussing another's failure. some publishers."’ ° comicbooks.com