Judge — August 30, 1913 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TROUBLES OF OWNERSHIP S Kidder—Is that Wantley's automobile? Pete Rol—He calls it bis. now he's figuring how to raise money to purchase gasoline. When One Day N° WHEN you first have proudly drawn the curtain To hide a fast-increasing length of limb, Nor when your years have, piling up, made certain That ‘‘kid’’ for you is no fit pseudonym; Not when you first turn hot and cold all over, And blush and cough, and laugh a foolish laugh, Because a pretty woman calls you “‘lover”’ In joke, although full well you know it’s chaff ; Not when, arrayed in faultless new tuxedo, You first disport yourself in giddy dance, Or smoke a cigarette and take no need o’ The fact that dad on smoking looks askance; No, nor when you first charming And see in them attractions all their own, Or cast them out, with vehemence alarm- ing, In order your friend’s sister to enthrone ; find widows But when one day you linger after din- ner— Perhaps you scent your destiny afar— Your father thinks, ‘‘He has grown up, young sinner!”” And, thinking, takes his after-meals cigar; And then he turns (within his eye a burden Of mirth suppressed), extends the case, “Have one?”’ Rejoice! On you he has conferred the Guerdon, . And now at last you are a man, my son! Valentine Howell. Smoke and Smoke A NEW YORK physician, who is a ciga- rette fiend, was undergoing a grilling from a Pittsburgh friend, also a physician. “Stop it! Cut it out!’’ said the Pitts- burgh man. ‘You know what acigarette smoker's lungs look like, don’t you?"’ “Of course I do,’’ retorted the New York man. ‘They look just like the lungs of a Pittsburgher who never smoked a cigarette in his life.’’"—Ww. J. Lampton. Smoke Up! ITHIN a maze Of mystic haze, I saw a form divine— A charming girl, With teeth of pearl And features angel fine. She smiled at me, This phantasy I'm telling you about— I knew the bliss Of one sweet kiss, And then—my pipe went out! A pipe dream? Yes; But happiness It brought past power of pen, So I shall scratch Another match And light my pipe again! . . . . . In this old earth The chap of worth Who makes the winning fight Laughs when fond schemes Prove but pipe dreams, And strikes another light! —L ck Wiggins. When you put ‘that’? in your pipe and smoke it, of what use is the residuum? Madeline—Why, Mrs. Benaway! Mrs. Benaway—Yes, dear; are you? First he put a mortgage on his house to buy the car; then he put a mortgage on the car to pay for'repairs; and Evidently Not HE fellow who said, ‘‘One-half of the world does not know how the other half lives,’’ evidently did not exist in a period of Ladies’ Aid Societies, Thurs- day Afternoon Whist Clubs, Ladies of the Round Table, Sewing Circles, and like organizations. In New York Manhattan—Don’t you hate a trick people have of reading one’s newspaper over one’s shoulder in subway trains? Bronz—No one ever bothers me that way. My paper is printed in English. The man who kicks against receiving short weight does not always deliver full value for his money. POVERTY OF IDEA Are you back? comicbooks.com