Judge, 1913-08-23 · page 7 of 24
Judge — August 23, 1913 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical story mocks early 20th-century feminist demands. Granddaughter Geraldine complains about a publication society issuing a new Bible calling Adam and Eve "Man and Woman" instead of their proper names—suggesting feminists are erasing women's identity even while seeking equality. The grandmother represents traditional values, gently mocking modern women's perpetual dissatisfaction. She notes that women demand tributes "to her sex, to her brain or her skill with the broadsword"—implying feminists want recognition in every sphere simultaneously and will never be satisfied. The story climaxes with the grandmother's accusation that women want to revise even the laws of nature itself (gravity), suggesting feminist ambitions are absurdly grandiose and fundamentally irrational. The Judge satire ridicules women's rights activists as contradictory complainers rather than engaging their actual arguments substantively.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
«JTS A BURNING shame, that’s what it is!'’ cried Geraldine hotly. “What has Reginald done now?" queried grandmother. Though not quite up to date, she had learned that most of the “burning shames’? were perpetrated by husbands. Granddaughter flushed guiltily. ‘‘Noth- ing—er—that is, I wasn’t referring to him. I meant throwing Adam and Eve out of the Garden again.’’ “T was not aware that they or any of their descendants had ever gotten back in after the first expulsion."” “Well, perhaps not,’ said Geraldine. “Anyway, it was a snippy trick for that publication society to issue a new Bible, in which the parents of the race are called Man and Woman. After all the trouble the poor things have had, with a wayward son and being blamed for everything that has happened since theirday, why couldn’t they be let alone?” “What a queer sentiment for a modern woman to express!"” exclaimed grand- mother, in surprise. ‘‘Some of you want CURIOUS FORMATIONS IN SILHOUETTE That Divine Discontent By TERRELL LOVE HOLLIDAY “Even should that happen,’? opined Geraldine, ‘‘she will still demand a tribute of some kind; if not to her sex, to her brain or her skill with the broadsword.’” “It’s mighty little homage a to improve one thing and some another. I didn’t suppose there was anything that you considered ‘well enough’ to let alone.”” Geraldine cogitated, without much suc- cess, ‘‘We—vwe're satisfied with the solar system.”” “Except,” murmured grandmother, looking through half-closed lids back to her own girlhood days, ‘‘when, sharing with the young man a cozy seat in the shrubbery, you count the shooting stars. Then, a scarcity of stars, with its conse- quent dearth of kisses, forces you to sup- ply the stellar deficiency with fireflies.’” “‘How dreadful! But I presume girls have done such things,’’ said Geraldine demurely. “And always will,’’ predicted the old lady, ‘‘unless, out of present conditions, a sexless woman, a neuter gender, is evolved."” woman receives these days, and she was never more discontented than now. Ican’thelp believing that she was happier cuddling a man’s-head than she is cuffing it.”” “As evidence of her versatility, it may be mentioned that she is good at either.’’ “It must be awful,’’ said grandmother slyly, ‘‘to be dissatisfied with everything but the solar system!’’ “While not exactly pleased with the laws of nature, she has, so far, made no effort to repeal them,’’ hazarded Ger- aldine, after desperately racking her brain. “*No,’’ came the quick retort. ‘‘She suspends them. Now, the law of gravi- tation—isn’t she thinking of revising or amending that?’’ “Oh, no!” “‘Humph!"’ scornfully sniffed the grand- dame. ‘‘Isn’t the woman who tries to sup- comicbooks.com