Judge — August 16, 1913 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Who's LARK, BEAUCHAMP—Retter known asChamp. Master of the gavel and humorist-in-chief of the House of Repre- THE TATTLE TALE I'm jus’ as puzzled as I can be— Mamma said a little bird told on me. Now the parrot next door can talk, ‘tis true, Bat I don't see how in the world he knew! =Maryaret G. Hays, sentatives, Born singing *‘You Gotta Quit Kickin’ My Dawg Aroun’,’’ in An- derson County, Kentucky, March 7th, 1850. His first words as a speaker, rather than a singer, were, ‘‘For the sake of party harmony, I am reconciled; but if I ever meet you by moonlight alone on the banks of the Wabash or any other old stream, in my private capacity, you will immediately perceive in the offing not less than seven solar systems and fifty-seven varieties of the Milky Way, with your eyes shut.’? Was first men- tioned as a possible candidate for the presidency at the age of five by his Whosiers E v nurse, because of his sturdy Jeffersonian Democracy, as shown in his marvelous capacity for mixing simple tastes with marked forensic ab’ when, standing on the bottom of an inverted milk pail, he addressed stimulating periods to his father’s pack of houn’ dogs, whom he ad- dressed as ‘‘fellow-citizens’ and who made the welkin wag with the enthusias- tic oscillation of their caudal appendages as his glowing periods rolled forth. Mastered early in life the intricate complexities of statecraft by assiduous devotion, to the pages of the Congr sional Record, over which in his boy- hood days he pored as diligently as though it were a romantic tale of the adventures of Davy Crockett, a Daniel Boone, a Nick Carter or a Theodore Roosevelt. Became a school teacher on the Marathon plan of himself com- peting with his own pupils, keeping a day ahead of them in the pursuit of such knowledge as they wished to ac- quire, and gaining great efficiency as a teacher thereby, since all the in- formation and learning imparted was fresh from the fount of knowledge itself. Made president of Marshall College, in West Virginia, in 1873, acquiring there a marked liking for the title of president, which has never left him since; but, having few athletic tastes, found the academic field too narrow for the scope of his talents, and he relinquished it for a broader public service at Washington, where, as the fountain head of a particularly fresh and buoyant kind of humor, he be- came the most popular contributor to the Congressional Record, turning that grave compendium of portentous ver- bosity into a considerable rival to Joe Miller’s Jest Book and London Punch, Adopted the American flag as his Ry HORACE DODD GASTIT erywhere trade-mark early in his political career, blowing it into all the bottles of his eloquence and never losing an opportu- nity to hoist it on domestic or foreign soil, even at the cost of hoisting himself and his party with it. At the close of the long Democratic drought in 1910 was made king of the revels in the Jeffersonian carnival that followed and has held that position ever since. Was candidate for President in 1912, but, through the special influence of his friend, William Jennings Bryan, was continued in the speakership, a surer PARADOXICAL Chloe--Done beah de news, Jake? fles fell offen a lim’ an’ broke two ribs. Jake—Two! Ah doan’ see how he could fall on bof his sides! Sam Whif- comicbooks.com