Judge — August 2, 1913 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Taare custin Lom IK. | IN PASSING ‘That twelve-dollar bouquet you bought her night before last. Freely Translated into the Language of Poets 'HE cold shoulder—‘‘This was the most unkindest cut of al The shoemaker—‘‘There’s a divinity that shapes our ends. Ship’s biscuit—**The moldy rolls of Noah’s Ark.’” Hemophilia—‘‘ Bequeathed by bleeding sire to son.’’ Boarding-house silver—‘‘Not too bright or good for human na- ture’s daily food.’” Guardianship—‘‘The watch-dog’s honest ‘bark.’ ’’ Asthma—‘‘II1 blows the wind that profits nobody.’’ Welsh rabbits—‘‘The stuff that dreams are made of." Our missteps—*‘ Footprints on the sands of time.’’ Lying like a gentleman—The calm repose that marks the caste of Vere de Vere The new stenographer—‘Thou comest in such questionable shape that I will speak with thee."’ Her peek-2-boo waist—*‘The baseless fabric of this vi. Gro. Be Moreroenl, The Black Hand Again! Mrs. Collins found the following Black Hand letter pinned to her door one morning: “Deer Mis Collins—Onless you put a jar of jam, a hunk of chokolit cake, a apple pie an’ a bag of candy down by the old well, we will steel your littel boy and keep him, onless you pay us a milyon dollars. The Black Hand.’” The letter has been handed to the police and the criminals will soon be brought to justice. To date, Mrs. Collins’s little boy has been the only one seen in the vicinity of the old well. The Bankroll Madge—Why do you object to the slashed skirt? Marjorie—I don’t think it good taste for a girl to display her money that way. ion.” Always HE fellow that writes promptest Waits the longest for his mail; The fellow that walks fastest Gets freight o’er the slowest rai The fellow that pays soonest Seems to never get his check, And the fellow that’s most careful Always gets caught in the wreck. —Berta M. Coombs. ey Sieee When You Tell a Man He Is Lazy— If he answers back that he goes to work two hours before the boss does, he is an embryo agitator. If he tells you to take a running jump at yourself, he is a government employe. If he assures you that he is figuring out the best way to do the task in the shortest time, he is an efficiency expert. If he tells you he has had so many interruptions it has been impossible for him to get any more done, he is a good excuser. If he replies that he can only exert himself when his heart is in his work, he has an artistic temperament. All in the Family Suburbs—The minister out in our place won't marry you un- less you have a medical certificate. Crawford—Is it hard to get one? Suburbs—Why, no. It happens his brother is a doctor. An Old, Old Story Adam (in the suburbs of the Garden of Eden)—Now, Eve, you surely aren’t going to clamor for clothes already ! Eve (tearfully)—You know very well, Adam, I haven't had a decent thing since the fall! Handsome Is as Handsome Does Sanford—So you don’t believe in judging a man by his clothes? Crabshaw—No, indeed! and look how we get fooled! Her Choice Edna—What do you think of these eugenic wedJings? Edith—I'd rather marry one of those rich old fellows with only one lung. That’s the way we judge a woman, The man who attempts to sharpen his wits on a simpleton not unfrequently makes a dull impression. POR SUBURBANITES WHO MIST TRAVEL AUTOMOBILE-INFESTED ROADS AT NIGHT comicbooks.com