Judge — July 26, 1913 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE LITTLE VILLAGE GIRL Hi the amount, I saw that they were plan- ning a college course, too, for their chil- dren, When they returned, we walked back to the machine still imbedded in cs the sandbank. This took only a few minutes, 5 They hitched onto the ‘> back end of the machine » Uy) and dragged it out of its trouble. Soon we were Fa on our way back to town. "4 I dared not look back at the machine to see how much it had suffered, for * fear I would break down. * How sad for it to be cut down in the beauty and innocence of its youth! Every time I thought of Emil and of how much he loved his car, I wondered what I could mortgage. “Emil,’’ I said brokenly, ‘‘two of us went out riding this afternoon. I am the only survivor. We brought the other in behind a wagon. Come out and look at it, and I'll pay down all I can and the rest in installments. I'm still young, you know, so you'll get your money all right.’’ Emil looked at the machine, punched itin the ribs, felt of its pulse, and ex- plored the small of its back with his thumb. Untying the machine, he jumped in and ran it around the block. “Are these friends of yours?’’ he asked, waving his hand at the two men, who were dividing the loot. **No,’’ I answered, with feeling. T REHIND HIM CALLS AT BIS OPPICR APTER SEVERAL YEARS “Well, then, did you have them bring you back just to be thrown into their company ?"’ “‘No,’’ I answered. ‘I met a sand- bank that way. I didn’t know how else to get the machine back.”” “Why didn’t you get in and drive it back? That jolt didn’t hurt it. A little accident that way doesn’t hurt an auto- mobile any longer. It used to knock them out, but now it just gets their fighting blood up. Get in and I'll drive you home. Fine evening, isn’t it?’’ Iagreed that it was clearing up, and thought to myself how rough you can be with an auto and not have any effect on it. It used to be that you couldn’t hit one with a sofa cushion without laming it, and now you can hit one with a sandbank and it will laugh in your fac The Maxims of Marcus O'Prott REVENGE is sweet, my son, but as the Wise Guy attains to the year, of discretion, he avoids sweets as much as possible. The man who shaves his own Notes, my dear Bildad, will never be lathered by an obstreperous creditor. For every-day use, most noble Fes. tus, a goodly supply of elbow grease is rather to be chosen than a share of Standard Oil. Remember the saying of Centaurus, the first hackman, oh, Guyascutus, that a snowball in the hand is worth two in the neck. The trouble with having a big head, friend Pompus, is that, in nine cases out of ten, investigation shows that there is nothing in it. Beware, oh, Apollinaris, of the an- cient saw with the rusty teeth. Tis true that the early bird catcheth the worm, but there be other seekers after the worm, like the festive catfish, that getteth nothing but the hook. Yes, most noble Vertigo, the wise man’s motto, when a kittenish woman would lead him to the scratch, is ‘‘ Paws!” Yet would I caution thee against saying so in public, for there be many men with guns about, to whom a jest of such a nature is an offense of a capital sort. Should the day ever-dawn, oh, Winkle- top, when man shall cease to deceive woman, then will it come to pass upon that day that there will be no more marriages in the land, and the State of Matrimony will no longer be regarded as a State of the Union. In Nineteen Fifty “Anything unusual about that new restaurant you patronize?” “Yes; no women smoke there."" The cash register does not always ring up the full price paid for pleasure. FOOLISH QUESTION Citicus—Where are all the people who used to live at the seashore ? Watrous—They are spending the sum- mer in the city. comicbooks.com