Judge — July 5, 1913 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

/ Me Entertaining a Strange Dentist CHICAGO dentist has a new plan for producing unconsciousness in his cus- tomers. Before extracting a tooth, he whirls the patient around and around in a revolving chair until the ailing man has lost consciousness; then he pro- ceeds to bring out the troublesome tooth. © WITH BOTH HANDS HE DIVED INTO THE PLACE.” As inviting as this sounds, it doesn’t make us quiver with eagerness to be whirled around and around in his single- row merry-go-around. We never went to a dentist but once to have any excavation or concrete work done, but we remember it as though it was this morning. He was a large, florid man, with a kindly fate, who looked as though he loved ani- mals. He may have, but he didn’t have any use for us. Smiling pleasantly, he asked us to open our mouth. We opened it to the best of our ability; suddenly the pleasant ex- pression slid off his face like a blanket, and his real character came out. With both hands he dived into the place we had just made for him and began making himself at home. He didn’t find just what suited him at first, and so he rolled up his sl es and climbed in to his el- bows. We felt that this was no way for a stranger to act on so short acquaint- ance, but we couldn’t say anything—any- way, not until he crawled out. He had his elbows on our tongue, and this kept us from saying just what we thought. He seemed to be enjoying himself so much that we hated to ask him to come out and tell us what he had seen, 80 we could laugh, too. So we waited until he saw fit to return; but he kept finding more and more points of interest, climb- ing into crevices and looking into dark corners where no explorer had ever be- fore set foot. We could feel him scaling one side of our mouth, leisurely prospect- T.CHING- 6 ow e By HOMER CRY OQ ——— LNs ing here and there, later to find him try- ing to get under one of our teeth. When he grew tired of our mouth and tried to crawl farther back into our af- fairs, we decided that it was time to call ahalt. We didn't care if he was a sen- sitive man and that it might hurt his feelings—he had no right to intrude on our privacy that way. He kept crawling and crawling. He seemed to think that we were built on the European plan and was hunting the dining-room. So we waved our hands to attract his attention, to explain that we hadn’t cleaned up that day and weren’t expecting visitors. We didn’t know where he was going, and we thought we would explain to him that, if we had been expecting him to drop in, we would have fixed things up a bit better. But the man was ingulfed by his work and paid no heed to our signals, We tried toexplain to him that he had passed our teeth long ago, but, when we tried to speak, we found that he was sitting on our tongue. So we reached in, got him by the ankle, and pulled him out. “I have found what is the matter!’’ said the dentist enthusiastically, hunting through his tools until he came across something the plumber had forgotten. “You have a sore tooth!"’ “Yes,’’ we agreed. ‘‘We’ve thought as much for a week, but you are the first outsider that has noticed it.”” We have never tried being whirled around and around in a revolving chair until we became unconscious, but, if this Chicago dentist doesn’t make any per- sonal tours of inspection, we would like to have his name and street number, in case our tooth has a relapse. A Bejeweled Hen A FEW days ago a boy in Hammonton, N, J., was eating a hard-boiled egg, when he bit some- thing hard. He investigated, and it turned out to be a ruby weighing half a carat. We could never understand before why anybody wanted to eat hard-boiled eggs, but we're getting warm, all right. If we could get a guaranteed hen, we might > QUR_-aFUNNYES =: ORLD--COSBY. es ASSN be tempted to try them a few mornings ourself, But if the hen was intermittent in her work and we had to go a couple of mornings without setting our’ teeth on something hard, we would be sorry that we had ever placed trust and confidence in the feathered mine and would turn her out of house and home, with hot, stinging words, We would call her a deceiver and an adventuress and lose all faith in her sex. We know that a person is not a gentleman who will speak unfeelingly to a hen, but we would so lose control of ourself for having been duped into eating hard-boiled eggs that we would fly into a passion and tell the hen never to show her face in our yard again. Then it would be just our luck, the next morning after we had broken her heart, for her to rise to the occasion with an emerald, and in a couple of mornings develop an ambi- tion along the tiara line. First Stop on the Honeymoon Express ARCHEOLOGISTS sent out by the French government have just uncov- ered a very interesting city near the Eu- “THE PLACE SOUNDS ATTRACTIVE TO US.” phrates. This city is far older than Bab- ylon itself. Its name is the City of Kiss. We don’t know how the city got itsname, but we have a pretty good idea. There may have been an early settler there by the name of Kiss, but we hardly think so. It is more likely a young man and girl there were surprised in a hammock by a heartless stranger who had influence in naming the village. We hope the city will be restored. If there is good bathing near, so that the place can be fixed up as a summer resort, with a lot of pretty girls in brilliantly colored bathing suits walking up and down the beach, there is no reason why the city should not become immensely popular. Some way or other, the place sounds attractive to us, and, if it is going to be revived, we think we'll look up the fare. comicbooks.com