Judge, 1913-06-28 · page 7 of 25
Judge — June 28, 1913 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a satirical story rather than a political cartoon. The narrative mocks both poor grammar and wealthy industrialists' moral hypocrisy. A well-dressed man (Dwight Ellis, apparently a prominent businessman) encounters a poorly-spoken girl and her sister on a broken-down car. He condescendingly corrects the child's grammar while simultaneously making a veiled confession: he's been "before the Pujo Committee" (a real 1912 congressional investigation into banking monopolies) but claims he wasn't investigated for theft—implying he engaged in far worse financial crimes. The joke satirizes how wealthy men like Ellis concern themselves with working-class propriety while their own unethical dealings escape real consequence. His immediate romantic interest in the older sister, followed by her mysterious disappearance, leaves the ending ambiguously ominous or comedic—suggesting the wealthy man's comeuppance or continued moral blindness.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
INDEPENDENCE-DAY PARADE By the Red Snappers, Whitebait, Bluefish, and others. , sir, sister was always on the back seat with me an’ a boy. Sometimes she was on the back seat with me an’ two boys. Mother always rode in front and read that blue book that tells the wrong way to go, pop says."" The infant’s bow on top of her head blew in the wind and she tried to pull her dress down over her knees, “Cold, ain't it?”” The man looked thoughtfully at the child. She was as beautiful as a deeply tinted wild rose. “Cold, ain’t it?’’ she repeated, returning his glance with one of the most friendly regard. “Child, dear child, would it hurt you any to say isn't it?” **Mother says ain’t.'" “No, she does not, Doris! Mother never said ‘ain't’ in her whole li , The man breathed sighs of relief. Just why he should be £0 affected by the possibly defective grammar system of a fam- ily whose name he did not know, and none of whom he had ever met prior to a half hour ago, he could not then tell. As an ex- pression of gratitude, he took a coat from his own car and put it around the child. “Thank you ever so much! Why, this coat is just like father’s! He lost his. Somebody stole it!” “My brilliant young friend, you have gotten me sized up too small. I admit having been before the Pujo Committee, but it wasn't for stealing coats! I wouldn’t have stolen your father’s coat, anyway. I'd surely have stolen you instead!’’ “Why don’t you steal sister?’”” The man looked at ‘‘sister’’ and wondered how soon he could steal her. Sister was not at all embarrassed. She was too busy wondering what she ought todo. Dwight Ellis surmised the trend of her thoughts. ‘‘I think I had better tow you home, afterall. I'll go and get my big car. You will have to wait here for me, because yon can’t get away! By the way, why did you take this awful road? It is the worst one in the State! “I didn’t take it, The car took it.’* And if the car had preferred the other road, I'd never have met you!"’ He looked into the eyes of the girl—looked just an instant too long. Then he jumped into his own car, whirled it around and was off. Soon after he left, a chauffeur from the garage appeared. Without making much talk, he attached a leader to the stalled car, said he had been instructed to find the Misses Burnham—if possible—and bring them back to the garage without a moment's delay. When Mr. Ellis returned, there was nothing to be seen but his coat hanging on a tree and the heavy tracks of a double turn, “*T wonder!’’ he said. ‘‘] wonder!"’ * © © © «# « Several weeks later Dwight Ellis went into the bank on comicbooks.com