Judge — June 21, 1913 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

, Sugar and Sawdust, and then Some SCIENCE has discovered a way of verting sawdust into sugar. comes as agreeable news to us. Our father was a firm believer in saw- dust. He would engage a large, strong man to haul three cords of wood into our backyard and throw it off the wagon; then he would send this large, strong man away and tell us to take the crosscut saw con- This “CALLING HIS ATTENTION TO THE MUDCAT” and sever each of the sticks into three pieces. Then he would go on about his business, and we would hope that the matter had passed out of his mind. A little bit of sawing wood would go a long way withus. We could take one look at the saw hanging in the woodshed and have enough sawing to last us until the fol- lowing season. Once, after we thought the matter had passed out of father's mind, we took our fishpole and repaired to the creek, where we spent a few pleas- ant and profitable hours. When we returned, we found father sitting on the back porch, and we noticed a long, hickory sprout beside him. He was looking in the direction of the un- sawed wood, and we surmised at once that there was some connection between the hickory sprout and the unsawed wood. Coming up, we spoke a pleasant word to him, calling his attention to the mudcat we had caught and to what long whiskers it had. Father did not gaze with the rapt attention at the long whiskers we had just called to his attention that we hoped he would display. Instead, he arose and fixed a hand firmly in the collar of our shirt. This seemed strange to us, as, when we had our back turned toward him, we were in no position to continue the conversation about the mudcat. How- ever, it soon developed that he had no interest whatever in the mudcat. We stood with our back to father for several minutes, thinking first about one thing, then another, but mostly about how hale and hearty he was for a man of his age. When he removed his hand from our col- lar and we turned to face him, there was perspiration on his brow. We did not say anything about it, however.. We felt sure that it would soon occur to him to remove it. After father had gone into the house to rest, we repaired to the woodyard and began piling up potential sugar. It was a welcome change from what had been attracting our attention for the last few min- utes. Creating sawdust was much sweeter to us than con- versing with father about a mudcat that had neglected its toilet for the greater part of the season. We knew then that the saw- dust was sweet, but we didn’t know at the time that it contained sugar. How To Act before a Cow PLAINFIELD, N. J., is going to teach the art of milking cows in the course at the public school. This page thinks this is a good move. We remember once we went to visit some country cousins who could afford a cow of their own. We thought we would do them a good turn by. hurrying out and milking for them and come in to them bearing a pail of frothy richness. With a bucket under one arm and a one-legged stool under the other, we ap- proached the cow on the sub- ject. She was contentedly go- ing over the herbs she had gathered in her wanderings dur- ing the afternoon, with a sweet look of peace and contentment. We felt an instant liking for her and rested our hand lovingly on her broad hips. Then we made other social ad- vances by patting her glossy stomach. However, one thing was wrong; we had come up on the left side of the patient cow, when she was accustomed to famil- iarity only on her dexter side. We stroked one of her most rearward ribs a moment, to show her that we meant no harm, then squatted down on the one- legged stool. The patient creature turned an eager face to see if we had any regard for the bounds of conventionality, and a look of hurt surprise came into her large eyes. Still we thought nothing of the matter and put our knees under her abdomen and our head in her flank and reached for the milk, We planted an ear tight against her robust flank and closed our fingers on the source of supply. With that, the look of surprise in her eyes gave way to a sterner look. We looked back into her eyes and smiled confidingly, to assure her that all was well. From the short time we had known her, we liked her very much. We felt that in time we would become fast friends. But for some reason or other she did not reciprocate. She was accustomed to entertaining on herrightside. Suspicion smoldered in her eyes, We felt some- thing move inside her flanks, like mus- cles knotting, and the next thing we re- member is lying in the spare room of our cousin’s house and hearing an old gentle- man with a black medical bag and side whiskers snap his hunter case, after tak- ing his fingers off our wrist, and say something about eggnog six times a day. We earnestly entreat the professor of the Plainfield school to put the cow in the curriculum, but to be sure not to let any “THE PATIENT CREATURE TURNED AN EAGER PACE” of his students approach her on the side where she isn’t expecting company. It is best to let the creature have her own way in such a matter. With your ear in a cow’s flank, you are in no position to argue. Strange how a vacation usually creates @ vacuum in one’s pocket-book. comicbooks.com