Judge — May 24, 1913 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Bill's Importation E ALL was married—all of us What owned the Skookum mine— Bat Bill, the city bachelor, Who never did incline To splice with any local girls, Though they all liked him fine. The women folks got after Bill Fer puttin’ on of airs ‘And 'lowin’ how sweet freedom was From conjugu-lar cares. They proved how man ain’t worth a cuss, Not travelin’ in pairs. So Bill he writ a letter to A weddin’ cheffonier, Or bureau —I don’t just recall; But ‘tis a thing to fear, Though claimin’ it gives hungry hearts The proper kind of steer. They caught a female wife fer Bill And shipped her in by freight. The women folks was some disjoyed, But Bill seemed pleased first rate, And says the importation scheme Is fine to get a mate, The days wore on and almost out, ‘And soon they brung a change. The joysome Bill became a grouch, The worst on Cascade Range. He wasn't no more welcome home Than pup hounds with the mange. Bill's wife was boss and run the ranch; Bill never had no show. When she says, “Quit!” Bill’d up and stop; When she says, “‘Git!”” he'd go. And if he got home after night, He slep’ out in the snow. So Bill concludes, with womenkind, All signs and omens fail. He sells his shares and says, ‘‘Good-by ! I'm goin’ to hit the trail, Fer the female of her species is Most deadly got by mail."” —c, 2, ar. The Kid’s Baseball Outfit As it Used to Be «GAY, POP, gimme ten cents, so T ean get a baseball?” “Ten cents, hey? The whole of ten cents? Very well; here’s your dime."” “Thanks, pop. And say, pop, I cut off the fingers of one of your old gloves to- day, and mom sewed some padding in it, 80 all I'll need now is a bat. Give me fifteen cents to get abat?” ~ “Fifteen cents for a bat? And just now I gave you ten cents for a ball. Young man, do you think I'm made of Money ?’" “Oh, just this once, pop! Please! If you'll give me the quarter for the ball and bat, I'll have everything I need. I ¢an sew the ball up if it rips, and I'll be awful careful of the bat."” “Well, here’s your quarter, son; but Temember, now—if you ask for any more money before the Fourth of July, there'll be trouble inthe family. Understand?” As It Is Now “What's that, son? What did you say You wanted?’’ “T said I wanted fifty cents for a ball, “Hunch” hands you this: You pass up the“hot-stuff” brands, forget that parched throat and dark brown taste and thumping head. You never will know how a real © pipe smoke tastes until you fire up PU tse gE some Prince Albert—tobacco that x just puts a jimmy pipe ina man’s mouth —and keeps it there, sunrise to sunset! PRINGE ALBERT ‘:,"2!272" Doesn't take eight Sundays to get acquainted with P. A, either in a jimmy pipe or rolled up into a deticious cigarette. No, sir, it’s prett putting on a pair of friendly old shoes of a morning ort of m irds will sing and the going will be right good! the sun will shine and the much like es you feel P. A. can’t sting! The bite's cut out by a patented process that has revolu- tlonized pipe tobacco and eet the whole man-smoking world jimmy pipe joyous! He t's good for what ails you! red bag 1s weather- ‘The Ivan dandy pachage— snd spanking clean and et that P. A. flavor and fragrance and freshness into your system. tnslde and out and sete you back only a niche. is eke proct—junt anit ett ee eh ae al and handsome pound and half-pound humidors. Buy Prince Albert Winston-Salem, N.C. R. J. REYNOLDS TOBACCO CO. dad. You can’t get a good one for less than that. Billy Jimson’s father got him a regular league ball for a dollar and a half the other day.’” “Humph! A ten-cent ball was good enough to play with when I was a kid. But Is "pose it’s got to be. Here’s your mo “Thanks, dad. And can I have fifty cents fora bat? You can get a regular Hans Wagner model for that, you know."” “Fifty cents fora bat? Just one bat? Young man, do you realize that that will make a dollar? If I give you a dollar for a ball and a bat, will you promise you won't ask me for anything more?” “Oh, no, dad; I couldn’t promise any- thing like that! You see, I want a fielder’s glove—that’ll cost two dollars— and a first baseman’s mitt—that’ll cost about three—and a catcher’s mitt like Billy Jimson has—that’ll cost about five —and then I'd like to have a mask and a chest protector, too. We're going to have a team, and after a while I'll need auniform; but I don’t have to have that now. Why, what’s the matter, dad?” Harry Hamilton, In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com