Judge, 1913-05-24 · page 12 of 24
Judge — May 24, 1913 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains satirical commentary on early 20th-century American society through multiple short pieces: **"Very Inconsiderate"** mocks a theatrical actress who delayed divorce proceedings, only to have her husband die—ruining her planned publicity stunt. The joke targets both her calculating nature and the era's sensationalism around celebrity divorces. **"The Game"** is a confessional poem where a woman lists her deceptive roles (cheater, blackmailer, entertainer, etc.), culminating in the punchline: all her scheming is justified because "I'm married to a man!"—blaming male behavior for female dishonesty. **"Opportune Observations"** offers pseudo-philosophical advice about seizing opportunity rather than waiting passively. **"The Social Reformer"** criticizes prudish reformers wanting to ban "the sport of kings" (horse racing) and modern dances like the turkey trot and tango. **"Dangerous Sacrifice of Profits"** jokes that a health-food entrepreneur's cartons weigh less than their contents—implying he's cheating customers with empty packaging. The overall tone is cynical about contemporary manners, morality, and business practices.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
VERY INCONSIDERATE Mabelle—What makes the leading lady so grouchy? Estelle—She had counted on making a big hit with ber divorce case this season, and just as she was about to bring proceedings her husband had to go and die. Mabelle (indignantly) —Now isn't that just like a man! The Game I™ A LIQUID, soft-eyed cheater; I’m a treasury depleter, I’m a gambler, and I've learned to stack the pack. echarine blackmailer, a po- iceman and a jailer; a cultivated mental jumping jack. I'm a parlor entertainer, I’m a very shrewd campaigner; When it’s worth my while—a mon- key on a stick. I'm a listener, pumper, talker, dancer, sitter, runner, walker— I'm a just-this-side-the-border luna- tic. If the law could only reach me, it would grab me and impeach me; But it can’t, for I’m a licensed char- latan. Lord! It takes some discipline, for it’s a life job that I'm in for— I'm a woman, and I’m married to a man! I'm A Few You can lead some girls to the ball- room, but you can’t make ’em turkey trot. A SUSPICIOUS CHARACTER Opportune Observations PPORTUNITY may knock once for every person, but, in this day of complex living, how is that person to know at which door? However great the pleasure of embrac- ing Opportunity may be, the acute indi- vidual indulges not at all; if but allowed to come close enough for an embrace, that wise person immediately and with- out ceremony gets her down and sets foot upon her neck, until she accedes to all demands. As a matter of fact, the persons who really get along in the world do not wait for Opportunity to knock; they are away up the highroad, themselves knocking right and left stragglers, slowpokes and loafers, in a fierce effort to meet Oppor- tunity more than half way—and, above all, to meet her first. Thus we come to the conclusion that, while Opportunity may not always need to knock once, the successful person must keep knocking. —Charies Campbell Jones, The Social Reformer In this wicked age there are many things He is sure should under the ban go; And so he would cut out the sport of kings, The turkey trot and the tango. Dangerous Sacrifice of Profits “Why don’t you think Staffer’s health- food venture will be a financial success?"’ “He sells his preparation in cartons that weigh less than their contents.” BoP BRINKE RHEE comicbooks.com