Judge — May 17, 1913 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Flies By TERRELL LOVE HOLLIDAY HE BLUEBIRD is poetically termed the “harbinger of spring.”” The fy, being poetically impossible, is barred from harbinge-ing and must be baldly dubbed a symptom—a painful symptom of summer. According to general belief, particu- larly among the bald-headed, flies were conceived in Hades and brought forth on earth by wire-screen manufacturers. Of flies there are two grand divisions —the pop flies, knocked by the baseball player; and common flies, knocked by everybody. In the subdivisions are horse- flies, which are partial to an equine diet; and houseflies, which are not so particu- lar, but will eat anything, people pre- ferred. “The busy bee’ is a phrase coined by some person with a taste for alliteration and no regard for merit. The fly really deserves the medal for industry, as any one who has tried to take anap in a ham- mock on a drowsy summer afternoon can testify. The bee must do his darnedest, his all, at one stab; then he dies to pay for his petulant prick, so popular super- stition says. The fly harpoons you a thousand times and grows fat upon the gore that oozes from your wounds. Small though the fly is, he is mighty. He, and the command to swat him, made a Kansas health commissioner nationally famous. And the demand for sticky fly- paper and poison which he has created has elevated the makers of these com- modities to the plutocracy. Though Madam Fly is awarded no prizes in egg-laying contests, she excels a whole pen of blue-ribbon hens in the matter of fecundity. She and her mate have more lives than a cat and are worse hated than the serpent that tempted Eve. The fly daily offers us an opportunity —which we never accept—to show that we have more patience than Job. When tempted to raise your hand in anger, it will save you bruises to remember that, while ‘‘the hand is quicker than the eye,”” it is not quicker than the fly. After exhaustive research, learned sci- entists state positively that the noisiest thing on earth is not a dreadnaught in action, nor a pianola in the flat above, but a large, bluebottle fly buzzing about your head atdaybreak. But neither these wise men nor any others can answer the simple yet poignant question now pend- ing from every tongue tip—‘‘Why is a fy?” A Prerequisite “Where should you advise me to go for My vacation?’’ “Why not try Shoreville?”” “Can I have a good time there?” “Yes, if you take it with you.’” The man who wants the middle of the tead is destined to have mishaps. . of the New Jersey Coast These summer playgrounds of the American people are made easily accessible from all parts of the country by the comprehensive and convenient train service of the Pennsylvania System. They are all described: in the Pennsylvania Railroad Summer Excursion. Book, copies of which may be obtained free of Pennsylvania Railroad Ticket Agents, or they will be sent post paid on appli- cation by Jas. P. Anderson, General Passenger Agent, Broad Street Station, The Forty Beaches Philadelphia, Pa. The Whittier Inn Sea Gate, New York Harbor An Ideal Hotel Home for Summer—my Reet The Inn is situated in a private park maintained by the local cottage community. Rooms with private bath and porch. Rooms are available in nearby cottages to those who prefer them, service and priv- ileges of the Inn being the same. Entire cottages (including Hotel Service) may be leased for the season. A clean, broad beach with ample bathing fa- cilities. Tennis, baseball, rowing and sailing. Private boat service to and from New York City. Also frequent train service to Brooklyn. A Delightful Place—Just 45 Minutes by Private Boat from New York Telephone Rates and Booklet Upon Application Garage In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com