Judge, 1913-04-19 · page 15 of 24
Judge — April 19, 1913 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This 1913 *Judge* page offers social satire through multiple pieces: **"Fashion's Ills"** mocks how society adopts trendy diseases—appendicitis, "glass arm," housemaid's knee—following fashion rather than medical reality. The poem satirizes frivolous upper-class concerns. **"Modern Signs of Implicit Trust"** ironically catalogs business signs reflecting widespread distrust: "No Checks Cashed," "Pay as You Enter," "We Trust in the Lord—All Others Pay Cash!" This critiques the era's cynicism about financial honesty and suggests growing commercialism. **The "Elderly Pair" anecdote** ridicules rural/unsophisticated theatergoers who misunderstand theatrical convention, believing three days actually elapse between acts and refusing to wait. The advertisements (Gold Medal Flour, seeds) represent typical magazine revenue. Illustrations include "Keene Kutter" (appears to be a product mascot) and a dictaphone scene. Overall, the page targets middle-class pretension, urban suspicion, and rural ignorance—standard *Judge* fodder for educated, urban readers.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JAPALAC MAKES OLD THINGS NEW Fashion's Itls 'OREVER, since the world began, Diseases have afflicted man. Now, put a stop to them, who can? The fevers, aches, the pains and chills Have brought the doctor with his pills, Who faileth not to send his bills. Complaints there are that ’bide by rules Dame Fashion dictates to her schools, Attended by a flock of fools. Appendicitis was the thing, Glass arm's been placed within a sling, And housemaid’s knee is on the wing. Some other ills to cut a dash— Bicycle kidney, golfer's rash—— Are likely soon to go to smash. What next distemper will prevail We know not; but we loudly wail That the inventor, without bail, Summarily be sent to jail! Addina F. Andrrws, A Modest Establishment Howard—Did the cook that you ex- pected call to inspect the house this morning? Mrs. Howard—Yes; and she was moved to stay by the fact that we have no guest KEENE KUTTER An Ancient Example ABSALOM was hanging by his hair. “*What an advertisement for a hair tonic!’’ they cried. Thus we see the advertising instinct is not modern. Modern Signs of Implicit Trust As observed at various places in this, the year of our Lord, 1913 Absolutely No Checks Cashed. Watch Your Hat and Coat. Leave All Valuables in the Office be- fore Retiring. Pay as You Enter. All Rooms Must Be Paid For Strictly in Advance. ‘ Lock Your Door at Night and When You Go Out. No Accounts Opened Whatever. Board Must Be Paid For in Advance— No Exceptions. 7 We Trust in the Lord—All Others Pay Cash! A Misunderstanding Indignant customer (pushing his way into tailor shop and throwing down a package)—Say, you, give me back my money! These new trousers have a patch in the rear! Agitated tailor—Why, sir, I thought you wanted them to have a patch in the rear. You told me to include the latest novelty. That patch is made of a mate- rial that you can light safety matches on. A Sight Worth Sceing Nock—The police are to appear to- gether with the firemen and ‘white wings” this year in the civic parade. Nick—That will be some show! Nock—Yes. In the exhibition before the mayor, the firemen are to put them out and the ‘‘white wings” will clean GOLD MEDAL FLOUR Couldn't Spare the Time AN ELDERLY pair were making their first visit to a New York playhouse. “Well, Sarah,’’ remarked the old gen- tleman, at the conclusion of the first act, ‘‘don’t you think we'd better be a-leavin’?”” “Why, no, Hiram! half over yet.” ‘Well, it says on this here program that three days elapse between the first and second acts, and I’m durned if I want to set here that long.’’ The show ain’t Chappie’s Chatter “Say, Chappie, old boy, do you want to come with me to call on a girl who's sick and blue?’’ “Surely, deah lad! avoid is a well-read girl.’” The only thing I DICTATE TO THE DICTAPHONE comicbooks.com