Judge, 1913-04-19 · page 13 of 24
Judge — April 19, 1913 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page mixes brief humorous items with satirical commentary on early 20th-century American life. The **"Violent Language"** section is a straightforward wordplay list—playing on phrases containing aggressive terms ("cutting reproach," "burning word," "crushing reply"). The **baseball parody** rewrites Shakespeare's "Seven Ages of Man" through baseball terminology. It traces a fan's life from infant to old age, ending in senile fandom ("second fannishness and mere oblivion"). The satire targets baseball obsession as a defining life experience for American men, and mocks aging fans who persist in arguing about games. The **brief jokes** satirize social attitudes: one mocks Native Americans for abandoning "civilized" shoes, reflecting period prejudices about assimilation; another jokes about a grocer who won't use legal measures, playing on ethnic stereotypes about informal debt practices. The **advertisements** (razor, boots) are contemporary commercial content typical of the magazine's revenue model. The "Blank Pages" and "Against His Principle" sections are mild satirical anecdotes about academic pretension and commercial behavior.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
EVER-READY SAFETY RAZOR Blank Pages ee THERE is no title for a book that itis possible for a man to sug- gest,”’ said the learned professor, ‘on which it would not be possible for any scholar to write a volume of several hundred pages.”* “Will you kindly tell me,’’ said the meek little father of ten, ‘‘just what you would put in a volume entitled, ‘Questions That Children Have Never Asked’?"" Incorrigible Easterly—Don't you think edu- cation has a civilizing effect on the Indians? West—Not abit. Just as soon as they get back to the reservation, they resume those beautiful and comfortable moccasins, in place of the unshapely and torturing shoes of civilization. Against His Principle “My grocer won’t sue me if I don’t pay him,’”” “How's that?” “He never adopts legal measures."* ““AVE SOME H'OATMEAL, ALL 'OT” Violent Language A cutting reproach. A fiery speech. A burning word. A red-hot debate, A biting sarcasm. A frenzied claim. A crushing reply. A striking metaphor. A furious retort. A thumping lie A passionate appeal. A smashing argument. A savage expression. A frantic declaration. A ferocious utterance. A boisterous joke. A devastating slander. A vehement perora- tion.—c. 2, M. REGAL BOOTS The Baseballist’s Seven Ages LL THE world’s a ball, And all the men upon it merely players. They have their innings and their field chances, “STEIN BLOCK" And each man in his time plays every base, His life being seven rages. At first the infant, Pitching and bawling in his nurse's arms. And then the shining schoolboy, with his “Rocket”’ And scornful open face, playing ‘‘old cat’’ And far away from school. Then the re- porter, Roasting like a furnace, with a woeful ball-ad Made to his master’s high-brow. the umpire, Full of strange sounds and wordless as the wind, Jealoas in judgment, sudden and quick in ne, Seeking a booby reputation Straight from the player’s mouth. then the magnate, With wide-checked waistcoat and with checkbook lined, Full of league laws and ancient instances Then And Of how he played his‘part. The next age shifts Into the lean and lippy bleacher-bird, With spectacles on nose and score in hand, His Wheeling’s Pride, well chewed, a world too wide For his loose lips, and his big, boosting voice, Turning again toward childish tre- ble, pipes And whistles as he roots. scene of all, Which ends this balled and batty history, Is second fannishness and mere ob- livion, Fan's taste, fan's talk, fan’s dope, fan’s everything.—£dmund Vance Coote Last GREAT SCOTT! ANOTHER FISH STORY comicbooks.com