Judge, 1913-04-19 · page 12 of 24
Judge — April 19, 1913 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several humorous short pieces typical of early 20th-century satirical magazines: **"Watered Stock"** mocks false advertising and artificial beauty—soap washes away superficial charm, suggesting deceptive marketing practices. **"In Babylonia"** is a silly joke: King Nebuchadnezzar discovers a new breakfast cereal and crawls around on all fours eating it eagerly, unable to contain his enthusiasm. It's absurdist humor poking fun at breakfast food advertising crazes. **Other brief jokes** target common social behaviors: a woman's reluctance to use the telephone (considered inconsiderate), men's preference for "fluffy" traditionally feminine women over modern "mannish" fashions, and a reformed man who settles debts rather than "wild oats." **"Assessable and Non-assessable"** uses rural dialect humor in a tax assessor conversation, mocking backwoods speech and values. The page reflects period concerns: consumer advertising, changing gender roles, class differences, and rural-urban cultural gaps. The humor relies on wordplay, exaggeration, and social stereotypes common to Judge magazine's audience.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
WATERED STOCK Evanesceat “Beauty's only skin deep" — Thinner, I should say, When some soap and water Washes it away.—Gr. B. Aterewous In Babylonia oe EBUGHADNBZZAR,” said the Queen of Bab- ylonia at breakfast one morning, ‘“‘I do wish you would chariot over to Nine- veh some time and see what you can find in the way of a new breakfast food. I am getting so tired of this Popped Sesame!” “Sure!'’ said nezzar. And an hour later they found him on all fours, out on the front lawn, mutter- ing to himself between champs, “Great! Great! I'll have to tell the wife about this!’’ One Test Margaret—Who is the most thoughtful person you know? Sue—Well, Mrs. Baker calls us least often on the ‘phone. Nebuchad- SNIDER'S CAT-SUP A Speeder When Delia in her car appears, Awed by a thousand prudent fears, I'd cross the street, but dare not move— Tell me, my heart, if this be love? THE TYPEWRITER . The Real Thing He admires the shirt-waist girl and man- nish fashions, He respects the platform poise and broader views; But when it comes to gloam- ings and roamings and hom- ings, It’s the fluffy-ruffies person he will choose. Settlement Sobersides—Jones says he’s got through sowing his wild oats and means to settle down. E. Z, Mark—I had sooner hear that he means to settle up! To Ambition “*You haven’t many attractive young ladies here,” said the ambitious young man. ‘‘Who is she, so bold and easy-going?” “That,’’ replied the guide, ‘‘is Failure.’’ “Pray tell me, then, who is that other, so shy and difficult to meet?” “That is Success!"’ “WHITE ROCK" Advertising Pays Crawford—Did Newrich cut much of a swath in his trip around the world? Crabshaw—Why, man, whenever he came to a public place, he cut his name in the woodwork! Assessable and Non-assessable The tax assessor of a county in north- ern Arkansas called at the domicile of a back-country resident, and the following conversation took place: Assessor—Amount of stock? yuh know. Resiient—Onery passel. Two hosses, one ceow and five head o’ hawgs. A—Value? R—Oh, ’bout a hundred dollars, I kal- kerlate. A—One hundred. them's oncommon fine R-Yep. Ding-w them be. A—What'll yuh take fer one? R—Hundred dollars. They're wo'th two. Critters, 0. K. By thew purps yuh got there. ers! Fox houn’s, Some People Some people barely get the wedding cards out before they want to shuffle for a new deal. “MY-LO" comicbooks.com