Judge, 1913-04-05 · page 7 of 24
Judge — April 5, 1913 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century humor: **"Ingenious Tommy"**: A brief joke where a child cleverly circumvents his father's prohibition against mentioning "watch" by quoting scripture ("What I say unto one of you, I say unto all of you—watch!"), thereby getting the desired timepiece. The satire mocks parental authority as easily outsmarted by clever wordplay. **"A Little Psychology"**: A cynical two-line exchange suggesting that honest people lack the intelligence of criminals—if they were smarter, they'd be crooks too. This reflects era skepticism about morality versus self-interest. **"Shocking"** and **"His Stand-By"**: Brief anecdotes mocking film censorship (a heated issue of the period) and gender nonconformity, respectively. The page's satirical targets are parental stubbornness, moral pretense, emerging film censorship boards, and social conventions around masculinity—typical Judge magazine fare for urban, educated readers.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
CHIVALRY Ingenious Tommy Tommy had teased, begged and implored his father to buy him a watch. The impatient father’s answer was, ‘‘No; once and forall, no! If I hear you mention the word watch again, I shall punish you severely !"” That evening the family assembled at the dinner table, and, as was their custom before eating, each repeated a verse from the Bible. When Tommy’s turn came, he said, ‘‘ What I say unto one of you, I say unto all of you—watch!”” The watch was forthcoming. A LITTLE PSYCHOLOGY Barker—Isn't it funny how crooks are always smarter than honest people? Harker—It is reasonable. If honest people were smarter, they would all be crooks. “beauty spot,” if ever there was one—adjacent to her perfect nose on the right? By referring again to ‘Exhibit A,’’ you will catch my meaning. Oh, the shocking horror of that meeting! HowI cursed my fatal insight into those ‘‘push and pull forces!’? They were not limited to the ‘‘living’’ buildings of a great city. Alas, no! They lurked in living girls’ living noses and in the living brown moles adjacent thereto. Where was now the beauty of my bride-to-be in June? Her nose—her mole—— Spare me the mention of the horrid details. They beggar description. I inclose *‘Exhibit B.’"’ Let that suffice. It matters not that I alone now see her thus. Am I not to marry her in June? Yours to point a moral—and possibly to save others from a fate like mine. Curtis Dunham Shocking “The board of censors threatens to close up the place.’” “What's wrong?”” “Just as the hero was kissing his sweetheart, the film stopped HIS STAND-BY and held them in that position for over ten minutes.'’ Big boy (to little boy who is forced to wear an overcoat made from . = . sister's cloak) —Bust "em in the eye if they fool with you, and I'l A man is known by the company that keeps him. stay by you; but you know that wasn't never made fer no boy. comicbooks.com