Judge, 1913-04-05 · page 23 of 24
Judge — April 5, 1913 — page 23: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page is primarily **advertising and humor content**, not political satire. The layout includes: **Main Features:** - Product advertisements (gemstones, hotels, foot powder, art instruction) - A humor section titled "Floaters: Lives of the Great"—short, ironic sketches about elderly people notable for what they *didn't* do or say (didn't lie about age, didn't complain about weather, etc.). The joke is the anticlimax: these long-lived people are remembered for their unremarkable silence or propriety rather than achievements. - Short jokes and anecdotes about wordplay and children's logic **Historical Context:** The humor relies on early 20th-century assumptions: automobile horns as novel sounds, fountain pens as frustrating technology, somnambulist vocabulary, and Victorian propriety about age and etiquette. **No significant political content is visible.** This appears to be a standard magazine filler page mixing commerce with light entertainment—typical for Judge's format during this era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
DURBAR GEMS Wonderfully brilliant. Pure white. Constructed by the Oxy-Hydrogen Furnace. Will-cet glass, stand acid and fire tests like real diamonds. re no foil or backing. Set only bo 10k Cold Monscags. Oritlancy ranteed 25 years. Seat ea Approval or by rexistered mail on receipt of price. Money cheerfully refunded if not satistac- tory. Send for booklet. Dept. B Aten LANE SALES CO. Ura) 48-50 Maiden Lane, New York HOTEL ARLINGTON 18 WEST 28th STREET Near Madison Square, New York A place where ladles unaccompanied are protected the same as In their own homes ‘Twelve-story fireproof building—handsomely fur- rooms—modern in all respects. Walking distance to shopping and theatrical sections. No License. Rates, $1.50 up. Booklet. BW. AUSTIN, Mer. V. A. AUSTIN, Prop. Agents $52 a Day! ‘Suits $9.00 up—Pants $2.50 up The Man Who Put the EEs in FEET Look for this Trade-Mark Picture om the ‘Label when buying ALLEN’S FOOT=EASE ‘The Antiseptic Powder for Tender, Achin, Feet. Sold everywhere. 2Sc. Sample FREE, Adi \iresad ALLEN S. OLMSTED, Le Ro: Be An Artist Make Money Drawing Comic Pictures. Let the world’s ta- mous cartoonist, Eugene Zim- merman, spill a few ideas into your head. Get the Zim Book —its chuck full of valuable suggestions. Price, $1.00 post- paid. Bound in 3-4 Morocco. Satisfaction guaranteed. Money back if book returned within 10 days. Address: Zim Book 1149 Brunswick Bldg., New York ATLANTA'S MILLION DOLLAR HOTEL GEORGIAN TERRACE Offers the Best In Hotel Life Auto Roads Fine Climate Floaters Lives of the Great Obadiah McNamee, Who quit this world when 63, Although his children numbered six, Related not their baby tricks. —Viilmington News. Adoniram Donahue, Who leaped the gap at 92, Never mentioned in his life How he came to get a wife. —Johnstown Democrat, Ebenezer Sakesalive Still does chores at 95— Him no one has interviewed On how long he’s smoked and chewed. —Detroit Free Press. Henrietta Wiffletrix Is knitting socks at 86; Though it’s always been the rage, She's never lied about her age. — Yonkers Statesman. Hezekiah Williamson, Who at 90 keeps right on, Ought to have a peacock feather, For he’s silent on the weather. An Instance.—‘‘How can you cite a case where two opposites agree?’’ “Take the case where a girl gives a positive answer in a decided negative.’ —Baltimore American, Chance for Fame.—Professor—You say you are engaged in some original re- search. Upon what subject? Sophomore—I'm trying to discover why the ink won't flow from my fountain pen unless I place it in an upright position in the pocket of a light fancy vest.—Chicago News. Handicay —*You say you're so good. Why didn’t you enter the ama- teur broad jump?” ‘*Rules didn’t suit me.” “Why not?’" “They wanted to start us off with a pistol shot, and I do my best jumping when I hear an auto horn.'’—Kansas City Journal, Out of the Mouths of Babes Teacher—Willie, what is the meaning of the word ‘‘admittance’’? Willie—Ten, twenty, thirty. Mamma—The nurse told me you used a naughty word to-day, Flossie. Small Flossie—Huh! Nurse don’t know it all! I used several of them. Tommy—I want to ask you something, pa. Pa—Well, Tommy, what is it? Tommy—lIf a man walks when his foot is asleep, is he a somnambulist? One day, while caressing her little three-year-old daughter, a mother called her ‘‘my little comfort."" A few even- ings later, when callers were present, she gathered the littie one up in her arms, but without further attention. Presently, feeling neglected, she looked up into her mother's face and asked, ‘‘Mamma, is I your little blanket?’’"—Chicago News. Just Out! “Inlay Enamel” Monograms “The latestides fn watch cases. Superbly beauti- ful. Your own monogram in handsome eng et design, (man Our Special Offer You may get the superb Burlington Special at the rock-bottom price— Gonna price that even the WHOLES. must pay. Yo may secure one of these superb timepieces — watch of the very latest model, the popular ne thin design, adjusted to the tions, temperature and isochronism—10 Jewele—at is—at the rock-bottom nipeice= ee same price even Your Choice se of Scores of Cases Qpen face or hunting ceece. ladies’ or men's Beck ana RiSbon Monograms: Dismond Set, e . . fodee. | French Artand Designs, Inlay $3.50" a ‘Month at at the Rock-Bottom Price $2.50 a month for this superb timepiece! ‘The easiest payments at rock-bottom price. assure us that everybody will quickly accept (his introductory direct offer, we allow cash or easy payments, a8 you prefer. We ship the watch Sent on App roval We ship the watch | 1, prepaid. You risk nothing “deolately nothing—you pay nothing—not one cent, unless: fou want the offer after see- ingand thoroughly inspect- ing the watch. Write for FREE Catalog book, a Pio fui'crplanation ot yout ‘cash of $2.10 a month offer on the ts ‘thin model Burlington Press Cutting Bureau willsend you all newspaper clippings ROMEIKE Avenue, New York. [QBEAUTIFUL PHOTOGRAPHS Hand Colored, All Different, Broitching FRENCH BATHING GIRLS Prepaid $1.00 P. SAPARL 119 E. eard St, New York NEW BOOKS —“The Hair” — its physiology, anatomy, diseases and treatment—a scientific treatise recently pub- lished by the Earopean specialist H. B, Achershaug, M.M-D. Ye 8 greet senention. Nave aacontshed the eal 1 —News. WITH SWORN STATEMENTS and doctors” endorsements, is sent FREE on receipt of 6c. for postage, &c. Address the author, H. E. Achershaug, M.M.D., 600Fif‘h Ave., New York In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com