Judge — March 29, 1913 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Campaign Comedy WHEN George Barnett, of Oklahoma City, the man who, a few years ago, startled the country by disclosures before a committee of the United States Senate relating to ticket brokerage, was a can- didate for county commissioner of Okl homa County, he made a speech, in which he declared, “Gentlemen, if I am elected to this office, I assure you that mine will be an economical administration. I will con- duct affairs in the court house just as though it were my property.”” “It won't be thirty days until it will be his,’ said a supporter of the opposi- tion, who sat in the rear. The Pen and the Sword Some years ago, when George Ade was visiting a friend in St. Louis and they were driving about the city, Mr. Ade no- ticed an exceptionally fine residence and inquired the name of the owner. He was informed that the lucky man was one Mr. Blank, a wealthy pork packer. A small, unpretentious -looking frame dwelling, somewhat weather-beaten and badly need- The pen is Tightier thn the sword? ing repairs, stood very near the mansion. Mr. Ade wondered why the owner of the mansion did not purchase the frame dwell- ing and tear it down. He was then told by his friend that the small house was occupied by the famous General William ‘Tecumseh Sherman. “Ah, Isee!"* mused Ade, ‘‘That proves the pen is mightier than the sword!"’ Inspired Patriotism The late Senator Hoar was once im- portuned to lend his influence in behalf of a chronic office-seeker. It was not a difficult matter to gratify the applicant's ambition by securing for him a place as consul at a Guianian port, which was not considered a highly desirable office. The newly appointed official had served but a short time, however, when his wife, un- able to withstand the malignant climate, sickened and died. Disheartened and discouraged, he resigned his post and re- turned home. Some years later the Senator was mildly surprised at being again approached by the ex-consul, who asked for reappoint- ment to his old berth. ‘‘Perhaps I can do something for you,’ said Mr. Hoar; “but, considering your tragic experience there, your request seems a little strange.” “I know,’? explained the aspirant, a trifle ruefully; “but, you see, Senator, I'm married agai Nothin’ But a Kid Judge Fred Sutter, of the Superior Court of Cochise County, Arizona, is one of the most youthful-appearing digni- taries on the bench in a Western State. He frequently is taken for a boy of twenty, but as frequently he surprises the uninitiated by his learning and dig- nity. Judge Sutter went hunting recently and killed some quail, which he took to a hotel at Florence, to be cooked for break- fast. Appearing at the table next morn- ing, he asked the waiter to serve his quail. “We hain’t got no quail for de traf- fickin’ men,"’ declared the black waiter. “T want this for m; self,"’ said the judge. “But dese quail is for Jedge Suttah, of Chocise County, suh,’’ argued the negro. “Tam Judge Sutter,”’ replied the judge. “No, you ain’t,"’ said the negro. ‘‘You ain’t nothin’ but a boy, and you don’t git none o’ dese quails. I wasn’t bohn yis- uh! No, suh, nothin’ doin’! ed the intervention of the hotel proprietor to get Judge Sutter's quail released from the kitchen. Salesmanship Unexcelled Colonel J. B. Quinn, the auctioneer em- ployed by the United States government to sell lots in a number of towns opened on Indian reservations of the West, says he has had many compliments on his abil- ity as an auctioneer; but the best of them all was from a woman, the wife of a man owning a town site that Quinn was selling. “*Mother,"’ said this woman, introduc- ing Quinn to an elderly woman in her home, ‘‘this is the man who sold lots for the government and made millions for the Indians.’" “You certainly have wonderful powers of salesmanship,’ said the elder woma: “Wonderful !"” interrupted the daugh- ter. ‘‘Why, mother, this man could sell icicles to the Eskimos!’" An Enforced Quarantine During the smallpox epidemic that prevailed over southeastern Oklahoma re- cently, Dr. J.C. Mahr, State commission- er of health, made a tour of the infested region. He stepped from a train ina small town in Choctaw County and was met by a sentinel carrying a shotgun. “You can’t stop here,’’ said the sen- tinel. and we trains."" “Guess I'll just stop, anyhow,"? smiled the commissioner, gathering up his bag- gage. “Guess you won't!" replied the sen- tinel, unshouldering his rusted gun. I'm the State commissioner of health,” pleaded Dr. Mahr. “There is smallpox in this town permit nobody to get off the said the sen- You couldn’t stop here if you was the King of England." “Oh, I just wanted to see if you en- forced the quarantine," laughed the doc- tor. ‘‘I see you do, all right.'’ And be boarded the moving train and went on. comicbooks.com