Judge, 1913-03-22 · page 9 of 26
Judge — March 22, 1913 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page presents a serialized satirical story parodying Arabian Nights narratives, set in a fictional Baghdad ruled by "Haroun el Reschid" (the historical Caliph Harun al-Rashid). The humor targets early 1900s American greed and corruption through orientalist fantasy. **The satire:** A character named Bingo seeks fortune; the Caliph rewards courtiers with worthless mining stock ("Mulekick Mine") while arranging their deaths, and demands bribes disguised as "tithes"—mocking political patronage systems and financial fraud of the era. **The subplot:** The Caliph questions whether a woman's beauty is natural or achieved through cosmetic deception—typical period commentary on female appearance and authenticity. **Bottom joke:** A sailor explains seagulls look clean only because they spend time in water—a crude analogy about maintaining appearances. The "old way/new way" title contrast likely refers to traditional versus modern (corrupt) methods of seeking wealth.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
‘The old way, and the new. SEEKING HIS FORTUNE “Make this as thy dwelling for a moment while I dispateh other affairs in hand,"’ said the Caliph graciously to Bingo, motioning him to a seat near the center table, where he found a back number of the Wideopen Magazine, in which he hoped to see news from home. Haroun el Reschid then turned to Kara Kahn, the Wazir, while Karaja, the Captain of the Watch, stood by, and said, with a winning smile: ‘I know of thy attempted service to me in respect of the Albanian maiden, and would reward thee.” The Wazir in imagination felt the bowstring about his neck. Then, handing him the stock in the Mulekick Mine, the Caliph continued, ‘*This I give thee freely. Take the first Drom- edary Limited to the north, and cease not from travel- ing until thou comest to Ah- rahzonah. Take up thy resi- dence there and let thy bones there remain.” And the Wazir made the fastest get- away ever recorded of a fat man. Bingo, seeing him thus hastily depart, thought he had gone to the bank for the cash and was content. The Caliph called Karaja, to whom he spoke: ‘*Thou hast been a faithful servant, and I would replace thee in the Watch and make thee my Wazir. I know that thy graft is a million a year, of which thou payest me three-tenths. Find me a candidate for thy —_ you 'd look clean, too. WAS HE ‘‘GULLING" HER? Lady (admiring gulls) —How nice and clean they look. Old Salt—An' ma'am, if you spent as much time in the water as they do, place who will take the billet and give bond that he shall re- turn to me nine-tenths and be satisfied with the tithe. I am thinking of a new sewer system in Baghdad and an increased income tax, and I need thee in this business. Karaja wept for joy and turned to go, but saw Bingo and asked, ‘‘ What wouldst thou with this stranger?” “Take him hence and bring me his garments, which I may desire for nocturnal disguise. Give him a well-fitting sack suit, tied at the top, and brodie him from the bridge into the Tigris. The land from which he cometh is great, and hath so many that resemble him that he will not be missed." Bingo went out with Ka- raja, as he thought to meet Kara Kahn coming from the bank and get the coin, while Haroun el Reschid, after looking at himself in a mir- ror, went into the seraglio. He was minded to discover whether the maid Zora was the real goods or whether she was habituated to those toil- et practices which enable some women to discount time and make up for the absence of mind of Nature when passing out womanly charms, of which the Caliph was Some Judge. Frequently Man wants but little here below, but he frequently wants a fresh supply of it. comicbooks.com