Judge — March 22, 1913 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

er uf- his vot Plain Facts about Champagne Can the customs officers impart life, bouquet, flavor to a wine? Can a transatlantic steam- ship freight department im- prove the purity and delic- iousness of a champagne? If so, by all means pay $2.00 for your champagne—of which Uncle Sam gets 60c for duty and a steamship company 40c for freight. But if not—buy Cook's Imperial and get the best of cham- pagnes, all of whose cost goes into quality. Sold Everywhere and Served Everywhere American Wine Co., St. Louis, Mo. Nature’s Tonic for Weary Heads and Hands va tout Old Fashioned but— Try it at Home—In splits and regular size bottles. C,H. EVANS & SONS, Estab. 1786, Hudson, N.Y. last word in moultin’ season? Wot's the matter, I s’y? Wasn't the pickin’ no good?’” When evolution leaves us with nothing but the game bird and the suffragette, it will behoove us to imitate the ancient Romans and decoy a flock of chickens from some unsophisticated country, pad- lock the hen house, and get a fresh start. Definitions a la Club Dues-—-The omnipresent ghost seen in every pipe dream, presiding at every luncheon, and the last to bid farewell to a departing member. Office—An honor always won by the fellow-member who is always on the ticket. Imbibing—A variety of experiences depending solely upon your own financial condition or that of your friends. Waiters—Grinning idiots, whom Na- ture intended for the prize ring and whose mental caliber causes them to de- cipher your written order with the same impartial accuracy with which you would attack Arabic. Levy—An assessment to pay for the formal dance given on the particular night you are earlier cabled to meet your mother-in-law, who arrives on a night steamer. Fellow-member—A parasite wishing some political, literary or business favor. Friends—Unnecessary spongers, who avoid the hurried lunch counters by call- ing you up and asking for a conference at sharp noon. Habitues—Those whose dues have run out five years before. — Reser Gilmsre Set. A Clergyman Embarrassed On a rainy Sunday morning the coun- try pastor on his way to church, thinking to protect his trousers from the wet, had turned them up at the bottom. Upon reaching the church, he forgot all about his trousers. His good wife, from her pew, discovered his oversight, and when the plate was passed she dropped a note to the pastor. Thinking the note was a church notice of some kind, he placed it with the rest. Imagine the consternation of his wife and the congregation when the pastor read, ‘Henry, turn down your pants! Positively Not The reformed burglar, upon his release from jail, was inclined to be a bit face- tious. ‘‘Simply state,’ he remarked to a reporter who chanced to be in the vicinity, “that under no circumstances will be a candidate for another term.”’ Proving that burglars, as well as comedy actors, have a sense of humor. Sophisticated He—You are the first girl I ever kissed. She—I thought you had a good bit to” learn. ‘Perfect Hearing! For sufferers from severe or mild deafness the marvelous new invention, just perfocted—the improved New 4-Tone Mears Ear Phone is four times as efficient. four times as convenient, able ‘as our famous Standard model. h foul ferent sound strengths, oe im it tone adjustments, in- stantly changed by a of the finger. A tiny switch on the back of the receiver regulates the strength of the instrament to suit the condition of the hearing organs of to register either loud or ordi- nary sounds, Special Limited Offer Write at once for our Special Introductory Offer. To advertise and quickly introduce this greatest of all inventions for the deaf, we are going to sell the first lot of these new four-tone phones DIRECT from our laboratory to users at the jobber's price. This offer tothe first lot fnished—a limited number. applies on A few dollars, payable on easy terms, se- cures you complete relief from your affliction. Send the coupon NOW and you can save both wholesaler’s and retailer's profits, 7 The Mears Ear Phone Free Trial re Mer rant tree it and prove Its power to do for you what it is doing for others. Make the test at our expense. Try it for 3 in your own home, under every condition of itis merely au improvement apo out al Single-Tone instrument. Booklet on Request If you live in New Fork con at our office for free demonstration. The Mears plains all the causes of deaf- ness; tells bow tostop the prog- Phone Booklet and partic tory Offer. ulars of your Special Intro- fier on your new ductory Mears Ear Phone fst riage Co., Suite 2473 “HENRY LINDENM PAPER WAREHOUSE Nos. $2, 34 and 36 Bleecker Street Branch Warehouse, 20 Beekman Street, New York ALL KINDS OF PAPER MADE TO ORDER Wonderfully brilliant. Pare white. Constructed by the Oxy-Hydrogen a Furnace. Will cot glass, stand acid P. and fre tests like real diamonds. Hare no foil or backing. Set only ia 14k Gold Moantings. Brilliancy guatsstecd 25 years on Approval or by reistered mail oa receipt of price. Mosey cheerfully refunded if not satistace food °°, Send 1% booklet. Dest MAIDEN LANE SALES CO. Pane 48-50 Maiden Lane, New York In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be rppreciated. comicbooks.com