Judge — March 8, 1913 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Who's Whosiers Everywhere. ABBOTT—Lyman, Distributing Editor of the Outlook, a Journal of Retro- spect devoted to the Dis- covery and Development of the White Hope. Born, Roxbury, Mass., December 18th, 1835, under stellar conditions which forebode a great but not particularly remunerative ca- reer, the juxtaposition of Mars and the Milky Way being such as to forecast un- usual associations of a spiritual nature. His first words were, ‘‘Leave the door open.’ ‘*What door?’’ asked the nurse. “The Theodore,’’ was the infant’s cryptic reply. Has worked chiefly for the estab- lishment of a Virtue Trust rather than along lines of personal profit. First gained fame as the original of Rollo ina series of Guide Books to Character, writ- ten by his father, said by those who have followed his career from its beginnings to have been the fount of inspiration from which the Hon, Theodore Roosevelt drew hi.aself. After serving many years as an effect- ive preacher, became Editor of the Chris- tian Union, a periodical designed to off- set the deleterious influences of Sport upon the minds of the young, but which, MAKING A LONG EXPOSURE, yielding to the trend of the times, was transformed into the Out- look, in order to cover the ex- trospective views of possi- ble contribut- ing editors. Solved the great national problem of What Shall We Do with Our ex-Presidents in 1909 by undertaking the arduous ‘duties of Chaperon-in-chief to President Roosevelt on the latter's retire- ment from control of the Universe on March fourth of that historic year, sending that distinguished Statesman to Africa, where he labored faithfully for a whole year, converting savage beasts from their bloodthirsty ways into lovers of the quiet joys of the Smithsonian Institution, by reading aloud to them, in the dark pu| of the jungle, selections from re copies of Dr, Abbott’s lectures on The Rights of Man, The Industrial Problems of the Chimpanzee and other works of uplift. Has proven so successful a guide, mentor and friend to his new charge that it is ru- mored thata large endowment fund is being gathered by a group of Capitalists for the founding of what is to be known to future generations as The Abbott Academy for ex-Presidents, a Training School in the Arts of Private Life, in which the qualities of modesty, self-control and in- dividual effacement will be taught to those who, from having been overlong in the public eye, have lost some of their aptitude for the simpler ways of the private citizen. Author of The Third Cup of Coffee, a Romance of Ameri- can Politics; Not Again To- day, but Maybe To-morrow, a study of the avolutionary possibilities of a great renun- ciation; and Rollo in Teddy- land, a juvenile of great pow- er, issued as a companion volume to Hamilton W. Ma- bie’s historical idyll, Teddy in Rolloland. Is of kindly, dear! [Kisses him again.] Rob (to hiraself)——Gee! DIDN 'T LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS. Rowena—Ob, Bob ! are you badly hurt? [kisses him.] Bob! speak to me, I see where I 've got to smash my other car, sympathetic nature, and devotes several hours every afternoon to the humane la- bor of brushing the fur of the office cat the right way when things have happened to ruff it up the other way, Address, Care of T. R., 287 Fourth Avenue, New York City. Sister's Shopping Bag. HE ARTICLES boys stow away In trousers’ pockets, I must say, Are many and diversified; But, gee! they’re nothing put beside Those found when, hunting Fido’s tag, I emptied sister’s shopping bag! A card case, coin purse, a barette, A handkerchief, a yard of net, A drinking cup, a collar stay, A ticket to the matinee, A comb, a brush, a powder rag— All these in sister’s shopping bag! Some ‘‘violet talcum’’ in a can, A kodak picture of a man, A looking glass, a calling list, The latest ‘Rules for Playing Whist,”” Aclipped-out joke from some smart wag— All these in sister’s shopping bag! A crochet needle, spool and lace; A letter from her school chum, Grace; A little manicuring set, Three postage stamps, a novelette, A safety pin, a small silk flag— All these in sister's shopping bag! A bow of velvet and two wings, A chamois ‘‘pocket’’ full of rings, A stick of gum, a bit of soap, Free samples of complexion dope, Some tissue that will mend a snag— All this in sister’s shopping bag! And any boy whose sister pries Into his pockets, and then cries, “«My goodness, brud, see what I’ve found! How can you pack all this around?"’ Should say, ‘‘Aw, that’s no load to drag! Just think what's in your shopping bag!” Lida Keck Wieeins. comicbooks.com