Judge, 1913-03-01 · page 7 of 28
Judge — March 1, 1913 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**The Main Cartoon:** A doctor consults with a patient about a persistent cough. The patient claims he's slept in the open air for years as a cure—implying fresh air is ineffective for his condition. **"Who's Whosiers Everywhere":** This is a satirical biographical entry mocking **William Jennings Bryan**, the Democratic politician and three-time presidential candidate. Judge ridicules him as: - A perpetual political candidate ("hardy political quadrennial") - An empty orator ("silver tongue," "natural gas") - A failed politician who repeatedly lost elections ("runner-up in political athletic meets") - A fool (his platform promised to make one dollar equal two by "cutting it in half") - Ineffectual in the Spanish-American War, claiming victory against mosquitoes rather than actual Spanish forces The satire suggests Bryan, like the patient's worthless open-air cure, is persistently ineffective despite his popularity and rhetoric. Judge presents him as all talk and no substance—a recurring nuisance in American politics.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
I NEF FECTIVE. Doctor—You have a nasty cough. Have you ever tried sleepin; Consultant—Doctor, I"ve slep’ in th’ open air fer years. Whostiers Who's BRYAN—William Jennings. The Great Uncommorer, a hardy political quad- rennial that flourishes on American soil under conditions that would blight any other specimen of the flora of the West- ern Hemisphere. Born with a silver tongue in his mouth, at Salem, IIL, March 9th, 1860, and spent most of the time during the Civil War in arms. His first words were spoken in response to a question put to him on the morning of his birth by the chairman of the Democratic National Committee, who happened to be ing through Salem on the lookout for an available candidate, who asked, tle gasbags, who a uu"? ‘Me?’ re- plied the infant. ‘Why, colonel, I’m the guy that put the noise in Illinois!’" By HORACE DODD GASTIT. Studied at common schools and graduated as valedictorian from University of IIli- nois in 1881, contracting at that period a habit of making farewell speeches that were not necessarily final. Although a total abstainer, was admitted to bar in 1883, but, of course, didn’t stay. Be- came champion long-distance runner-up in political athletic meets of State and nation at an early age, and shortly after his thirty-sixth birthday, after having asphyxiated the Democratic national con- vention at Chicago with a sudden out- burst of natural gas, was nominated for presidency of United States, with the odds of 16 to 1 against him, ona plat- form promising to make one dollar equal to two by cutting it in half. Because o: the open I'm a night watchman. Everywhere his unusual popularity, the people refused to part with him, preferring to keep him closer to themselves than he could ever have been in the White House. Became a leading orator, his silver tongue stand ing him in good stead, and for four years spread his vocabulary in every direction, east, south and north, until no hovel in the land was too mean to echo to his eloquence. In Spanish-American War joined the Amalgamated Brother- hood of Amateur Colonels, winning bril- liant military laurels at Jacksonville, Fla., by repelling the hordes of Cuban mosquitoes dispatched against these pre- sumably defenseless shores by blood- thirsty Spanish commanders, facing them with courage and fidelity, often meeting comicbooks.com