Judge, 1913-03-01 · page 25 of 28
Judge — March 1, 1913 — page 25: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page is primarily a **humor section** featuring short jokes submitted by college newspapers, plus two full-page advertisements. ## The College Jokes The left column collects brief comedic quips from universities (Cornell, Columbia, Dartmouth, Yale, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania). These are lighthearted campus humor—puns about dating, fashion, and student life. For example, one joke plays on "Union suit" (a type of underwear) when comparing Civil War generals Grant and Lee's attire at Appomattox. ## The Advertisements **"The Telescope of Speech"** (AT&T): Uses an extended metaphor comparing the telescope's power over distance to the telephone's ability to connect people across the Bell System. It's promotional copy emphasizing that telephones—unlike telescopes—are available to everyone, not just specialists. **"Keeley Cure"**: Advertises a purported medical treatment for alcoholism and drug addiction, claiming it has "cured half a million" patients. This reflects early-20th-century patent medicine marketing (the Keeley Institutes were real but of dubious efficacy by modern standards). The page is essentially **filler content and advertising**—typical of Judge magazine's mixed editorial/commercial format.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
With The College Wits Eve. When Eve had so rashly succumbed to the wiles Of the serpent, she pouted and grieved; Bat when she appeared in the newest fall styles, There’s no doubt she felt slightly re- leaved. —Cornell Widow. Attired Simply Tee wean & General Grant rather cold at Appomattox? Lof—Why? Tof—Because to-day the prof. said that, while Lee wore a suit of warm Con- federate gray, Grant was attired simply ina Union suit.—Columbia Jester. Indefinite. —‘* Were you out last night?” “Where, or how much?’’—California Pelican. Ready for the slaughter, or dressed to kill.—Dartmouth Jack 0’ Lantern. She’s a Bear.— Emily (at prom,—I! wonder if Phil expects me to dance the turkey trot with him? Dorritt—I don't see why. I heard him call you a bear a minute ago.— Wisconsin Sphinz. A True Bohemian.—‘‘Your next-door neighbor is a true Bohemian; he claims to be able to paint pictures on an empty stomach. Do you believe it?’’ “Certainly! He’s a tattoo artist.”’— Yale Record. Modern Conveniences.—'*Grace?"’ “Yes, dear.’” “May I smoke here in the parlor?’’ Jim. Father would put you out.’” it me out?” “Tam afraid so.’ “Well, Grace’. “Yes, dear. “The lamp’s smoking!’? (And then there was—darkness.)—Dartmouth Jack o" Lantern, Full Dress.—Fred—I saw Louise at the theater, Jack—Dressed in the height of fashion, T suppose? Fred—Can’t say that. Styles seem to be dropping off a bit. — Pennsylvania Punch Bowt. The Telescope of Speech The astronomer, by the power of his telescope, becomes a reporter of the movements of a hundred worlds greater than ours, and the student of celestial activities millions of miles away. He points his instrument at any spot in the heavens, and his sight goes rushing through space to dis- cover and inspect a star hitherto unknown. Up to the power of his lenses, his vision sweeps the universe. As the telescope may be focused upon any star, so the telephone may be focused upon any person within the range of its carrying power. Your voice may be directed any- where ia the Bell System, and it will be carried across country at light- ning speed, to be recognized and answered, The telescope is for a very limited class, the astronomers. The telephone is for everyone. At the telescope you may see, but cannot be seen. At the.telephone you may speak and be spoken to, you may hear and be heard. By means of the Bell System this responsive ser- vice is extended to the whole nation. AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH COMPANY AND ASSOCIATED COMPANIES One Policy One System Universal Service "For Liquor and Drug Users A scientific treatment which has cured half a million ff in the past thirty-three years, and the one treatment which has stood the severe test of time. Adminis- tered by medical experts, at the Keeley Institutes only. For full particulars write To the Following Keeley Institutes: Waukesha, Wie, rina anitoha. a ity, Guatemala, In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com