Judge, 1913-02-22 · page 6 of 24
Judge — February 22, 1913 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains satirical anecdotes about George Washington and British figures, mocking American deference to British culture. The main jokes exploit the famous (apocryphal) cherry-tree story: young Washington refuses to lie about cutting it down, then uses legalistic evasion instead—satirizing how Americans adopt British legal pretension while claiming independence. A second anecdote shows Washington's witty retort to Lord Cornwallis during surrender negotiations: "I'm the guy that put the Dependence in Independence"—a pun mocking the verbose diplomacy of both nations. The "Valid Defense" section jokes that Washington's Birthday (February 22) excuses any American schoolboy's misbehavior, satirizing American hero-worship. The final "Anglo-maniac" definition mocks Americans abroad in Britain who complain about everything (eating "sour grapes")—criticizing cultural snobbery in both directions. Overall, the page satirizes American-British relations through Washington anecdotes, likely from the early 20th century when Anglo-American tensions were common topics in Judge's humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ing his little hatchet. Whereupon his father, having witnessed the episode from his bedroom window, came forth and questioned the boy. “‘George,’’ said he, holding a stout switch in his right hand, “although I am perfectly familiar with the facts, I'm going to give you achance. Who cut down this tree?”’ Well, father,’ said the lad, ‘*in- asmuch as I cannot tell a lie, on the advice of counsel Idecline to answer, on the ground that a man cannot be compelled to incriminate himself, especially if his answer would tend to degrade him."’ “You cannot tell alie?’’ cried the father. “No, sir, I cannot,’” replied the child. “Then, my son," said the amazed father, “you might as well give up all idea of going into the diplomatic service." Whereupon, taking the boy out into the woodshed, the devoted father started a process of treat- ment on that part of his son’s anatomy which later made him seemingly immune to the thorns of the presidential seat. A Statesmanlike Reply. Lord Cornwallis looked coldly at General Washington, as he remarked sneeringly, “On behalf of his British Majesty, sir, I desire to ask the question—who are you that you should dictate terms to the King of England?”” “*Why,’’ said Washington, writing out the terms of sur- you were well off. RITAC 0 ||| Wellington getting ready for Waterloo, DURING THE QUARREL. “Why, John, you told me before we were married that “*T was, but I didn’t know it.’ render, ‘‘you may tell his Roily Highness, with my compliments, that I'm the guy that put the Dependence in Independence.’’ It was not until eight years later that the stolid British soldier saw the point and laughed heartily over Gen- eral Washington’s ready jest. A Valid Defense. At the age of seven, Washington, having absented himself from school for a whole day, was haled before his teacher for discipline. The lat- ter gazed at him sternly over the top of his eyeglasses and in menacing terms accused him of playing hookey. “‘No,"’ said the lad stoutly, “Nothing of the sort. Inever played hookey in my life.’ “Then how do you account for your absence yesterday ?"’ demanded the teacher. “It was the twenty-second of February,’’ explained the lad. ‘Well, what if it was?'’ demanded the teacher scornfully. “D that excuse your absence?’’ “Surely !"" returned the boy. ‘‘Any schoolboy can tell you, my dear Mr. Pedagogue, that the twenty-second of February is Washington's Birthday, and is therefore a holiday.”” Hard on Them. Little boy—Father, what is an Anglo-maniac? Father—An Anglo-maniac is an American eating sour grapes abroad, preferably in Great Britain. LITTLE UNRECORDED DETAILS OF comicbooks.com