Judge — February 15, 1913 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Incandescent Burners. HEN Orpheus went to Hades, Says classic history, To search among the ladies For fair Eurydice, Who was his wife, He failed to discern her, For lack of an incandescent burner. He wandered around through Hades In shadows black as night, And nowhere seeing ladies, Sought Pluto for a light. Mr. Pluto replied, With a smile like a crescent, “We have burners in plenty, But they’re not incandescent."* —William J. Lampton « Awsk Hawkins,” BUSTLING American automobile manager, just returned from Lon- don, tells of an experience which illus- trates one characteristic of the leisurely Englishman that differentiates him from the hustling American. This sojourner in the British metropo- lis, of course, had business as his chief object; but his introductions were such that in his moments of idleness he had entree to some of the better clubs, at one of which he put up. Retiring rather late one night, he in- tended to rise early the next day to keep a business engagement, but over- slept himself, and, as he had forgot- ten to wind his watch, he hurried downstairs to discover whether he had trenched on his business time. Entering the lounging room of the club, he noted that the only person in sight was a tall Englishman, who had disposed himself in an easy chair in an attitude which suggested that long practice had made him an expert at resting. Going over to the English- man, the American apologized for asking him the question, and desired the time of day. “Aw—er—ya-as,"” replied the leisurely one, with a yawn, waving his hand toward a door in which a servant stood. ‘‘Awsk Hawkins, He’s used to that sort of thing, don’t you know!"" A Sign of Spring. “Oh, mother, spring is here!’” **How do you know, Willie? Did you see a robin?”” “No; I saw a bunch of ball players on their way to catch a train for the South.” An Unsatisfied Guest, Writing from his cell in the Asheville, N. C., jail, an inmate, who presumably had inside information on the subject, complained some years ago to a local newspaper of the crowded and unsanitary condition of the prison. ‘Buncombe County jail,’’ said he, ‘‘ain’t no fitten place for a gentleman ter stay.”” A Memory. Pope—Scientists tell us the first birds in the world were winged reptiles. Tope—Scientists, eh? Huh! I've seen *em myself! A Shine. “You say Motleigh shines with a re- flected light?” “Yes; he is a plagiarist.”” A LA MODE. Mr. Misfit—"' Yes, my dear, you are superbly gowned for the reception. ' How am I coated and panted ?"” It Is To Dodge. ITH Sally’s hand in mine, I made concession— A weak surrender while the light was gone. “It takes,’’ I grant- ed her in full con- fession, ‘ “‘A woman, dear, to sew the buttons on.” With sweet delight, she snuggled close a minute; But sanity, with dad, came down the hall. And so I hedged: ‘*Without the women in it, We wouldn’t need the buttons, though, at all.’” Had Built Before, Hipson—I've nearly fourteen thousand dollars saved. Nipler—What are you saving for? Hipson—I'm going to build a ten- thousand-dollar house. Ruth Hunton, Adding Insult to Injury. The train stopped ata small station and the impatient traveler stuck his head out of a window to investigate the cause. ‘Hey!’ he called to an idler on the platform. ‘‘What’s the blooming train stopped for now “Why, consarn ye native indignantly, * burg!’’ **So I see,’’ said the traveler, glanc- ing at the signboard; ‘‘but that isn’t answering my question.’” Wanted To Know. Professor of biology—Are there any more questions on this subject? Freshman—Yes, sir. I'd like to know, if a clam is silent, what is a clamor? retorted the this is Boost- The man who makes a bluff at do- ing things never makes good. comicbooks.com