Judge — February 8, 1913 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

RAT, February. EBRUARY is as free from fascination as a fish is of feathers, Yet, in spite of this al- literative allegory, there is one fascinating fact about February. It is ashort length— aremnant, asit were. And this came about in a peculiar way: When Pope Gregory had finished dovetail- ing the other eleven months together, he found that out of the three hundred and sixty-five days he had a few over, also a few odds and ends of weather that no self-respecting month would tolerate; so he pitched them all in a heap and said, “Here, get together and be a month if you want to; “THE APPAREL OFT PROCLAIMS THE MAN.’ Young “* We want to be married."” Minister—* Certainly, gentlemen, certainly. brides right in!” Just bring your but remember that you've got to do something to redeem yourself for being such an ornery runt!"’ So the insulted days held an indignation meeting, over which the weather presided, and formed themselves into a month which they called February—‘‘Febru’’ meaning hell- ish, and ‘tary’? meaning period. And in order to revenge itself upon Pope Gregory and the world in general, it set to work to manufacture the finest known brand of freezes, fakes, fires, failures and other fatalities known to the entire calendar. Then, in order to show how worthy it could be when it tried, it brought into the world Washington, Lincoln, Dick- ens, St. Valentine and other worthies; also leap year, that never-failing source of hope to the passé female. You will be a sure winner in the game if you play a five- pound box of bon-bons against a lace-paper valentine. Objected to the Abbreviation. N SOME cases abbreviating a name improves it.- In others it doesn’t. For instance, the Tubbses thought they were doing honor to the Father of His Country, as well as to their first-born son, whom they named George Washington Tubbs. But when he grew up the handle proved too long, 80 every- body dropped the George, shortened up the middle name, and called him simply Wash Tubbs. And now G. W. Tubbs says it is a mighty lucky thing for his father that he died yearg ago, before people began calling him by the above title, or he would have everlast- ingly walloped him for ever naming him George Washing- ton in the first place. And we don’t blame him a bit for feeling that way about it, either. wil 8. Gitte. The New Member. The Nearly Extincts of America were holding a meeting in their clubhouse. “T understand,’’ the Buffalo softly bellowed, ‘‘that we are to have a new member.’’ “Oh, how lovely!’” piped the Wild Pigeon. “*I don’t know about that,’’ muttered the cautious Beaver, as a loud noise was heard outside. Suddenly the door was jerked open, and a strange, strong, strenuous voice snorted, “‘Where’s the roster? name down."" Then across the threshold bolted a Bull Moose. I suppose I'll have to put my No, an Expert. Rumble—“I see a college professor has declared that cranks, geniuses and freaks are all types of the feeble- minded, displaying the same psychology.” Bumble—‘‘Is the professor himself a crank, a freak or a genius?” Rumble—*What a question! Cupid's Raffle. “Marriage is a lottery.’’ “Yes; and you're apt to draw sur-prises.’’ ; Oo ONE HE KNEW. Mrs. H. Peck" John, I wish you'd give me a synonym for misery."” Mr. H. Peck—‘* What's the matter with matrimony?” comicbooks.com