Judge, 1913-02-01 · page 17 of 24
Judge — February 1, 1913 — page 17: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a satirical essay about how acquiring an automobile transforms the narrator's character. Originally a sympathetic, egalitarian man who championed the poor and downtrodden—referencing Thomas Jefferson and the children's right to play in streets—he becomes, upon purchasing a "big red touring car," irritable, impatient, and contemptuous. The satire mocks how motorcar ownership corrupts moral virtue: he grows hostile toward his wife's punctuality, dismissive of women generally, and consumed by obsession with speed and motion. The joke targets the era's newly wealthy automobile owners who abandoned their professed democratic ideals the moment they possessed this status symbol, revealing their hypocrisy. The accompanying advertisements (for a Remington typewriter and custom-tailored suits) are unrelated commercial content typical of *Judge* magazine's revenue model.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
My Dream- motor. By JOHN KENDRICK BANGS. | DREAMED last night that I had sud- denly and most unexpectedly come into possession of a big, red touring car, and with equal suddenness I felt a strange transformation come over me. Hitherto I had been a lover of my fellow-men. Abou Ben Adhem—may his tribe increase!—was in no wise my su- perior in respect to that. I believed that there was good in every man. I had more than once in public and in pri- vate subscribed to the noble principles of Thomas Jefferson in respect to the equality of_all men in “the pursuit of life, liberty and happiness.” I had often been heard to declare, somewhat heatedly at times, that the world, in- cluding the streets, belonged to the peo- ple; and when I had discovered little children playing on the highways it had rejoiced my soul, because I felt that lit- tle children had a right to play, and that if the streets were the only place where they could play, it was only right and proper that they should be permitted to do so unmolested by police or officious citizen, Even the rough and tyrannical drivers of trucks and their poor horses had found a champion in me. My heart abounded in sympathy for them. I neither blamed the horses for balking under the burden of over-heavy loads nor held the driver to too strict an ac- countability for his temper under the continuous pressure of exasperating cir- cumstance, maintained throughout a day begun at an over-early hour and lasting beyond the time limit of human endur- ance. In respect to these, ‘*Put your- self in his place,’’ had been my slogan. Also had I prided myself on the orderly procedure of my own way which I had tried to keep the qualities of cour- tesy, tolerance, sympathy, adaptability to circumstance and satisfaction with the slow but steady methods of getting ahead paramount. And then—— The big red dream-motor rolled up be- fore my door, and I descended haughtily and entered into it, and, lo! what a transformation was there, my country- men! Impatience to get ahead seized upon my very soul, my blood growing fever- ish with desire to move on, not for the sake of arriving anywhere in particu- lar, but just for motion’s own sweet thrill. I, who had never consciously subjected my wife to captious criticism or the cruelty of sarcasm, became acen- sorious critic of her ways and spoke my feelings in subtle phrases of cutting sort. As I waited for her to join me in our first ride in our new po: ion, I found myself commenting irritably on woman's incapacity for punctuality sheer inability to get a hat of any kin upon her head in less than eight we became the burden of gloomy refrains, and the general unreadiness of her sex to start anything but a row at the psy- chological moment became almost an obsession with me as I angrily held my watch in hand, counting the wasted sec- onds. And when at the end of a minute and a half she came and sat beside me A Little Detective ona Great Machine Accuracy is the basic principle of the Remington Adding and Subtracting Typewriter Vusille Writing ond Adding The machine is eecurate. But this is not all. It enforces accuracy on those who use it. Likewise it edmonishes to accuracy all those on whose work it affords a check. It detects errors. It likewise prevents errors. Fewer errors are made in every office Remington Adding ana Subtracting Typewriter Why? Because every clerk knows that this machine will detect his errors and this knowledge makes him more careful this Mtustrated booklet sent on request Remington Typewriter Company New Vork and Everywhere g are done on the same page. Wahl Adding’ Mechanism, Z, Liz \ Litt LZ Zz nical labor saving in | This Stunning Suit Made to Y OUR Order Express $ OO Frais ain Ft - See Feed GUARANTEED Why’ pay a retail elothter $12 to $20 for rey mite ™ Be An Artist Make Money Drawing Comic Pictures. Letthe world’s famous cartoonist, Eugene Zimmerman, spill a few ideas into your head. Get the Zim Book—it’s chuck full of valuable suggestions. Price $1.00, postpaid. Bound in 3-4 Morocco. Satisfaction guar- anteed. | Money back if book returned within 10 days. Ad- dress: ZIM BOOK, Room No. 1149, Brunswick Bldg., New York. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com