Judge — January 11, 1913 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

N DREAMLAND 1, Farmer Jones comes to town and meets a stranger who tells him he can win thousands of dollars by a Secret system of wire-tapping if he will learn the game. 2. The stranger introduces to Jones the chief telegraph operator, who, he says, will give them the name of the winning horse in a raee before the poolroom, gets it. 3 The stranger and the operator take Jones to a fake pool room and advise him to bet two dollars on horse. He does so, aad ‘‘ wins ten dollars. 4. “Easy money!" Jones rushes to the bank and cashes a draft on his home bank fora sum that repre- sents his fortune, He sees a way to suddenly become a millionaire. No Bite. He dropped a line'to let her know That marriage was his ‘wish. He failed to bait with gold, and so Went otherwhere to fish. ANUARY is a state of weather and other things that we are compelled to accept, but would rather do without. It is bounded on the north by Arctic blizzards, on the east by bursted water pipes, on the south by overdue Christmas bills, and on the west by a demand for more coal. During its thirty-one trying days, its northern inhabitants are ina state of freeze, those in the central part in a state of wheeze, while those in the i ev G en eae 5. Jones is advised by his friends to pat his money on Honey B. They tell him be can't possibly lose, be- cause Honey Bhas already won, and they alone know this fact. Settlement Work. Post—‘‘Thompson has gone in for settlement work.” Parker—'‘Helping the poor or bill collecting?” a hua rey south are reduced to one continual sneeze. Its calendar shows but one red- letter day—New Year's Day—and that should by all means have been printed in deepest indigo blue, for a day more closely filled with misery and remorse it would be hard to im- agine. Other less doleful days in the month are mother-in-law's birthday, rent day and the day the furnace re- fused to work. The month of January is productive 6. Jones plunges, and goes to the pool room only to find that ‘* Tapper wins.'” Stung again! Jones wakes up! Envoy. The play was over, and the Fool In sadness did repine, While he who masked as Tragedy Kept tryst with Columbine. of snow, sleet, bottomless thermom- eters, chilblains, neuralgia, cold feet, bargain sales, duns, calendars, re- vival meetings and weather predic- tions. Most citizens spend the month in getting on and off the water wagon, blowing the nose, cursing and com- plaining, overdrawing bank accounts, taking medicine, renewing leases and insurance, paying and dodging bills and bill collectors, and knocking the weather. Harvey Prate, comicbooks.com