Judge, 1913-01-04 · page 7 of 26
Judge — January 4, 1913 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes the "New Woman" of the early 20th century—educated, intellectually accomplished, and independent. The top illustration shows a woman floating in space like "the center of the universe," establishing the satirical premise. The text celebrates her genuine achievements: mathematical brilliance, mastery of multiple languages, literary knowledge, and grammatical expertise. However, the satire reveals the contradiction: despite all this education, when romantically involved, she abandons her cultivated intellect entirely. The central cartoon ("'Twixt Love and Duty") depicts her torn between duty (intellectual pursuits) and love (romance). The poem's punchline reveals the joke: her sophisticated mind becomes utterly infantilized around men. The final stanza mocks how she'll resort to absurd baby-talk ("Dodbessum's itty-bitsy heart-ums"), suggesting that no amount of education can overcome women's supposedly innate sentimentality. The satire critiques both educated women and contemporary attitudes about femininity—implying women cannot maintain intellectual credibility in romantic contexts.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE The Higher HE'S an algebraic wonder; all her leisure time she spends Solving problems in equations that are at her fingers’ ends. In the higher mathematics she has gained a college fame, Where her geometric genius added luster to her name. She is up on trigonometry, and fig- ures are her forte, For she even knows the age of Ann, according to report; But when playing off a rubber, it’s a pipe she'll never miss Gurgling sweetly to her partner some inspired phrase like this: “Yes, indeed! #1 just dote on bridge—it’s such a lovely, scientific game! Let's see—what’s trumps?” She has read the leading authors and her diction is most choice; She can rattle reams from Brown- ing in a cultivated voice. Never platitude she utters, she’s original and bright, And she scorns to use expressions that are commonplace or trit But it’s safe to bet some evening she'll be gazing at the moon, With a chap who’s humming marches that are popular in June, And he'll ask a single question as she slips her hand in his, 'TWIXT LOVE AND DUTY. Education. And she’ll whisper in his waistcoat some unique reply like this: “Oh, John, this is so sudden!’’ She is versed in many languages, from Dutch to Corsican; She can quote a dozen poets in the tongue of quaint Japan. She excels in French and Spanish, and it even has been said She knows all the rules of grammar in a language that is dead; But the day is some time coming when she'll prattle quite offhand In a tongue so weird and complex that no man can understand. She'll be talking to a bundle—'twixt a rapturous squeeze and kiss— And her line of conversation will most likely run like this: “Dodbessum’s itty-bitsy heart- ums! Didum naughty tolic hurtum’s itty tummy? Zere, zere, don’t oo —Weleowue- CWY, Muvver’s itty-bitsy pwecious heartums!’’ Ella Bentley Arthur comicbooks.com