Judge, 1912-12-28 · page 20 of 25
Judge — December 28, 1912 — page 20: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page is primarily **advertising** with supplementary satirical content. The main advertisement promotes AGWI Steamship Lines, encouraging winter vacations to Caribbean and Gulf destinations (Florida, Cuba, Puerto Rico, etc.) with an illustration of a stylish woman gazing seaward. The satirical content appears in two sections: **"Four Ages of the Kiss"** is a humorous poem tracking a man's relationship to kissing through life stages—from innocent infancy through romantic youth, married middle age, and finally political adulthood, where he cynically kisses babies for votes. This satirizes politicians' performative public behavior. **"Broadway Platitudes"** offers mock-serious aphorisms that parody self-help sayings and sentimental wisdom, often subverting them with cynical observations about modern urban life (chorus girls, taxi costs, repair work, economic struggle). The final "Excellent Device" about icy steps is absurdist humor. The page reflects early-20th-century Judge magazine's blend of travel advertising, social satire, and lighthearted commentary on urban manners and politics.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Trip for You Spend your winter holiday beside the blue waters of z the American Mediterranean. There is health and a good time for every one in these lands of Perpetual Spring, bathed by the Southern Atlantic, the Gulf of Mexico and the Caribbean Sea, including Florida, Porto Rico, the Bahamas, Cuba, Mexico, Texas and Santo Domingo. You can choose no better route than the AGW STEAMSHIP LINES Write us today and tee = help you plan your tmp. Address any of the following steamship line: Clyde J Line Fuente Porto Rico Line \3 r2.5%3 Enchantment. A beg, with connections for all leackag trip to the * Inland of roy Fanehag * The best way South.” fon en Src, "Seer role From Pier 36, North River, New York, oa deck ee jor Ertan ral | 11 Broads New York. Mallory Line 2. J=.c} tit Corea Off icay, New Yo waierroustotCave, Ward Line bre isso dean. eke w S'Pecent aad and be eo Maude.” Only route New York to Permanence d aba. Mexico without ieee dons Wie eben From Pier 45, North River, New York. General Offices: Pier 14, Eaat River, N.Y. DISTRICT PASSENGER OFFICES aa Tt 192 Washington Street CHICACO—444 Com. Nat. Bank Bldg. PHILADELPHIA—70! Chestnut Street NEW YORK—-290 Broadway Chestnut and Twenty-Second Streets, PHILADELPHIA, PA. A Refined Home-tike Hotel, Catering to Dis- eriminating Transient and Permanent Quests. Located In the very heart of Philadelphia's most select residential section, yet within ten minutes’ walk of the railroad stations, shop- Ding district, and theatres, An exclusive cafe—culsine and service of the highest standard. EUROPEAN PLAN, AMERICAN $1.80perdayandup. $4.00 per da: R. VAN GILDER - - - Manager UNIVERSITY PLACE One Block West of Broadway’ NEW YORK CITY Four Ages of the Kiss, First as a babe, all innocent Of trouble and its hints, His infant mouth receives the kiss A candidate imprints. He soon becomer a Romeo, For time so quickly slips. { Impassioned kisses he bestows Upon a maiden’s lips. Then he becomes a benedict, And older, tricky grown, He often finds it politic To kiss the blarney stone. Full of wise saws, he next decides For office he will stand, And promptly he goes forth to kiss Each baby in the land. —McLandburch Wi Broadway Platitudes. A miss is as good as her smile. All that blusters is not bold. Costumes speak louder than words. A rolling gait gathers three police- men. The curfew tolls the knell of part- ing pay. All tip and no pay makes Jack a good hatboy. It’s a long street that isn’t being repaired somewhere. What's one man’s meat is another man’s high cost of living. But dear as is thy form to me, still dearer is thy supper. At the theater, a girl by your side is worth two on the stage. Early to bed and early to rise, and you miss all the cabaret shows. People who live in glass houses must always wear their best clothes. Spend, and the world spends with you; go broke, and you're broke alone. When a chorus girl steps in at the door, money flies out the taxicab. Charles Harding Divine An Excellent Device. An excellent device against slip- ping on your front-door steps these iey mornings is to cover them frem top to bottom with your last sum- mer’s sofa cushions. These suitably placed will prevent your falling and chipping the brownstone or granite steps with the back of your celluloid collar. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbookszeom