Judge — December 14, 1912 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

How It Happened. 66] FIND my social du- ties very pressing during the holidays, ’’ said young Buffum, making a wry face as he buttoned his collar. “Why so?’’ interroga- ted Sunderstrom, his chum and roommate. ‘Mistletoe,’ muttered Buffum, giving his necktie a tug. The Modern Santa Claus. The house was all quiet, Saint Nick had been there; in his up-to-date bi- plane he sped through the air. He was tired of reindeer—they were too old and slow—so he left them at home in the ice and the snow. The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while vis- ions of aeroplanes danced in their heads. The stockings were hung on the electrolier; in the dining-room, opened, was a case of good beer. The presents were costly and showy and grand, the best 5 of all things to be found in the land—diamonds and butter, a scuttle of coal, a sugar-cured ham and a cut-glass rose bowl. A turkey, a poodle, leather chairs for the den; a late model auto, six eggs and a hen; rugs from the Orient, rich in color and price; a deed to a farm and some coupors for ice. “ DOES THE COMPANY PAY YER CARFARE?" A juicy beefsteak, a coat of real sable, a bucket of lard and a fine billiard table; a player piano—l'’m sure I've missed half—and last, but not least, a large phonograph. “‘None were forgotten, from the boss to the cook; not one escaped giving, by hook or by crook,’’ said Santa Claus dear, as he flew out of sight. ‘‘Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night !"’—Aelen Feltz. A Simple Game of Bridge. “*Paith, yer honor,’’ replied O’Rel- lihan, ‘‘I was diggin’ me ditch, p’ace- ful-like, when O’Rouke dealt me a (Fram the Shadyside Rural Gaaette) grand schlam. I bridged it to me side partner, Phelan, who made it sphades. Just then Policemen Casey and McGuire step up with clubs for trumps. They trumped out of turn, until the pa- trol wagon butts in and turns the trick, whist! here!"" and, we're Manifestations. Wiseman—‘* What to you is the most surprising manifes- tationaftertheelec- tion of anew Presi- dent?”’ Tronicus—** Oh, there are several was RATHER FRESH. Joo—'' For my part, I think women are the salt of the earth."" Moc— Guess you 're right, when you con- sider the number of men they have driven to drink," manifestations that must strike everybody as characteristic of theevent. The incoming Pres- ident is assured of the friend- ship of enough persons to have made his election practically unanimous if all had voted for him, office-holders en masse resort to nerve tonics, and there is an amazing number of per- sons you have always assumed to be reasonably contented with life that suddenly want office.’” It is often surprising what a handy man can do with ham- mer and saw to make his home attractive and unusual Not a Stem-winder. Inquisitive passenger— And what is that curious thing you are carrying?” Sailor (with winch-crank)—‘‘This, mum? It's the crank what they use for winding up the dog watch."’ The Turkey's Age. “Oh, yes, a turkey's age,’ said she, “‘May be determined easily. There’s one sure guide, by far the best— The teeth should be a perfect test."’ “Why, turkeys have no teeth!’’ he cried. “No, Jack; but I have,’ she replied. Where He Gets Them. Frost—‘'Where do you get your hats, old man?”’ Snow—‘'At cafes usually. But. once or twice I've been lucky enough to exchange at church.”’ comicbooks.com