Judge — December 14, 1912 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

their readers to do their Christmas shopping early. It’s almost as hope- less as trying to impress it upon the great American voter’s mind that he should not forget to register. True reform can come only through legislation. Make it imperative for ne f each individual to do at least ten per i cent. of his Christmas shopping in ~~ the July preceding the gladsome holiday season. If Smith or Jones has failed to do his ten per cent., just give him a mild fine of about fifty dol- lars. If he cannot pay the fine, make him work it out in a municipal toy shop. By the time Smith or Jones has done fifty dollars’ worth of work in gluing the legs on Noah's ark animals, he will be mighty glad to turn in with the great majority and start his Christmas shop- ping in July. “The amount of Christmas shopping should be in- creased gradually during successive months. Instead of devoting August to careering about the bathing beaches in scant attire or running the risk of spraining one’s ankles climbing mountains, one should be made to put in his spare time buying Christmas presents. By Sep- tember, fully twenty-five per cent. of one’s purchases could thus be made, and the percentage of purchases could be increased until the middle of November ness would be much steadier. There would be less of this mes, mad buying at the | last hour, when dis- cretion is thrown to the winds and when the riotous Christmas shopper would pawn - the bronze knocker fa off the front door of the old homestead to buy another pair of nickel-plated salt cel- lars for his pile of purchases, The laws ofconservation would thus be observed, and everybody would be wealthier, wiser and happier. Christmas would no longer resemble a national brainstorm—a human maelstrom of belated shoppers—a swirling mass' “Yes, yes, I know,” interrupted Mrs. Beanfugle. “This is all the preliminary of the annual we-shouldn’t- spend-much-for-Christmas theme that you sing with variations every year. You get me to cut down my list of gifts to my relatives till it looks sad and skimpy, and then at the last hour you rush out and spend every THE HIGH COST OF LIVING. Madam—'' Were you down-town to- ay. Maid—" Yes, mum; an’ things cost so, mum. I spent seven dollars, mum, an’ only got a hat, a pair of shoes, an‘ some long gloves."” would see a closed sea- son for Christmas pres- ents putineffect. After that time, any one caught trying to buy a Christmas present would be subject to a fine and a jail sentence. Any merchant trying to sell Christmas presents would find himself fac- ingsolitary confinement. Being caught witha stock of Christmas goods on one’s shelves would be all theevidence necessary. “Of course all that would play havoc with the short-story writers who fill the Christmas magazines with pathetic tales about overworked cash girls, and about the club men who fill our tenement houses with rich gifts, all bought on the spur of the moment just before the arrival of Christmas. But busi- HE ROBS THE FAMILY. Baby has mother’s eyes, daddy's nose, grandpa’s hair, Uncle George's ears, Aunt Mary's mouth, and grandma's forehead dollar you can get your hands on for all the chil- dren and children’s chil- dren on your side of the house. But this year it’sgoing tobedifferent, Colonel Beanfugle. I'm going to shop as early and often as some peo- ple vote, and when this last grand rush begins, and when everybody's blood {is tingling as it should be, I’m going to spend money presto and fortissimo, and you're going to foot the bills. No Christmas conserva- tion conversation is go- ing to sidetrack me this year, Colonel Beanfugle, and you might as well get a little preliminary exercise writing Christ- mas checks right now, or you're liable to have writer’s cramp when the rush begins.’”” And he proceeded meekly to obey. comicbooks.com