Judge, 1912-12-07 · page 8 of 44
Judge — December 7, 1912 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical sketches typical of turn-of-the-century American humor. **"The Dietarian"**: Mocks the then-fashionable "dietarian" movement—guests obsessed with health fads. The Christmas dinner guest refuses normal food, demanding only shredded wheat biscuit and water, embodying the era's emerging dietary reform movement that some viewed as pretentious affectation. **"Optimistic"**: A brief marital joke: the wife's "optimistic tendencies" are revealed as her habit of running her husband into debt—presenting debt accumulation as optimism about spending. **"Rubbed the Fur the Wrong Way"**: A pun linking hair loss to marital friction, suggesting marriage causes baldness. **"A Gentle Knock"**: Depicts a child being scolded for touching a guest's dress, satirizing overly precious household manners. **Other sketches** include light commentary on the Christmas season, press agents exploiting actresses, and domestic servants' endless labor presented as "utopian." The overall tone is genteel, middle-class satire typical of Judge's target audience—poking fun at affectations, marriage troubles, and modern fads rather than political issues.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE DIETARIAN. The host—" Ah, well! Too bad the others couldn't come; but we'll be very jolly as we are. White or dark meat, Mr.—ah—er" The Christmas guest—" Thank you, neither. A shredded wheat biscuit, if you have such a thing, and a glass of water, and I shall have done. The Holidays. ‘OW come the genial holidays, When all the kids are home from school And on the overcrowded ways We see the shoppers of the Yule. Man, woman, child—all run about With bundles big and bundles small, Whose contents hold, beyond a doubt, Surprises for the festival, The old maid, with a glittering eye, Invests in bales of mistletoe, The which she'll shortly hang on high, . With hopes of winnings great aglow. The Sunday schools are chock-a-block With youngsters full of pious glee O’er visions of the coming stock Of blessings on the Christmas tree. When all the world thus breathes of peace We know we've reached the month of Dec. Carlyle Smite. Optimistic. Baker—‘‘And has she optimistic tendencies Barker—‘*Yes; she’s always run- ning her husband in debt. Rubbed the Fur the Wrong Way. Grubbins —‘*You're losing your hair mighty fast, old man. What is the cause of it—too much tonsorial friction?” Rounder—‘* No—matrimonial!"" A GENTLE KNOCK. “Willie, take your sticky hands off Mrs. Jones this minute! Do you want to spoil the only nice dress she ‘s got ?” A Sign of Aberration. Press agent—‘‘ And now, then, Miss Starr, if there is any little incident in your past life that I could work for a column or so, I would be glad to hear it.’” Miss Starr—‘‘Well, I once fell in love with an editor and’’ P. A.—'*Pardon me, madam, but I'm a press agent, not an alienist.”” Utopian. The maid of good Mrs. McGlue (That’s who!) Has practically nothing to do (Hurroo!) But rise at four-thirty And wash up what's dirty, Then work till next morning at two. (Calloo! Callay! don’t you wish it was you!) Beware the gifts of a wily friend. They are not loaded with dynamite, but eventually cause an explosion. comicbooks.com