Judge — November 23, 1912 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHEN Mabel has the toothache, she to the dentist goes— A sorry sort of thing to do, as everybody knows = Who's ever noticed what rare pearls A illume that smile of hers— \\ \ \ Egad! Had I my way, she’d go un- \\* to the jewelers! When Mabel has a headache, they call the doctor in And get that worthy to prescribe the proper medicine; But as for me, when I behold its golden tresses clear, It seems to me the proper work for some big financier. When Mabel’s eyes are clouded, she seeks an oculist, Who with his homely glasses re- lieves them of their mist; But when I view their splendor, so starry and so free, I think she needs an expert in pure astronomy. When through her dainty fingers rheumatic pains do run, They seek some world-wide famous big specialistic gun; But if I had the power o’er hands so superfine, I'd cure them in an hour by holding them in mine! When Mabel’s heart is beating a little bit too quick, In need of regulation to keep it span and spick, To bring it back to normal, the way it ought to be— Well, reader, that’s a secret 'twixt little Mab and me! Carlyle Smith. He Rises To Remark. Ambrose Crosslots says: ‘‘There are a hull raft of fellers in this here world who are tarnal poor pay. It is as hard to git anything out of them as it is to git anything out of the salt cellar at Winkle’s restrunt.’”” Imaginative. Tim—"‘Gee! but I'd like to be the census!’’ Tom—‘‘Why?"’ Tim—‘ Because it embraces eighteen million women.” Some young folks who surprise their friends by getting married would surprise them more by staying married. The Devil Did the Cooking. Mammy Lou was visiting Lucindy. The latter lifted a boiling pot off the stove, set it in the fireless cooker, covered it closely and pushed it under the table, “‘What’s yuh a-goin’ t’ do wid dat pot?” “T’se a-goin’ to cook dem beans in de fireless cooker.”’ Mammy rose, a scared, hunted look on her wrinkled face. ‘‘Does yuh mean t’ tell me yuh a-goin’ t’ bile dem beans widout fiah?”” Lucindy nodded. Mammy backed to the door and looked at the girl as at an apparition, then with defiance mingled with fear commanded, ‘‘Put on youh bonnet! You sure is hoodood! You ain't goin’ t’ live in no house where de devil does de cookin’!"’ Bad Spell for the Teacher. First pupil—‘‘ What makes you so late?” Second pupil—''I had words with the teacher.’” F. P.—‘*Yes?"” S. P.—‘‘But I could not spell them.’’ Filled the Prescription. Charley Litewate (meeting lady in the street)—‘‘May I accompany you on youh stwoll, Miss Kostic?’’ Miss Kostic (sweetly)—‘‘Yes, thanks, if you don’t mind. My doctor told me only yes- terday I ought to take a daily walk with an object, and you will fill the pre- scription very nicely.”’ Mrs. Craw — “Do you stay awake when your husband remains out late?’’ Mrs. Crab— “No, my dear. I've found it is- n't any use to go through his pock- ets after he's been out with the boys.’’ THE USES OF MEMORY, Landlady —'‘ The butcher forgot to send the beefsteak to-day."” Star boarder—" Tough luck !"" comicbooks.com